We are lionhearts

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Having the childhood I have had and having dealt with all the things I have ever since I was 5 years old, there’s a few people in my life that are irreplaceable for the spots in my heart as someone who’s stood by me even when I thought of giving up on myself.

My mother and my very best friend Kristina. They both mean the absolute world to me and I don’t say that just because my mom is my mom and I’m ”supposed” to love her and know she is always beside me. Nothing is guaranteed and her support shouldn’t be taken for granted. As something that’s obviously supposed to be there. She didn’t have to be the mother and best friend she is today. She didn’t have to go into such depths with me, to understand me completely and truly see the world from my point of view just so she can give me one advice. She didn’t have to do anything, she did all of it because yeah she loved me, on that front a  mother has no choice, but a mother who is your biggest support and best friend and safest mirror is a gift everyone lucky enough to have should cherish.

My best friend suffered through a lot with me. I don’t mean emotionally, at least I hope she didn’t. I hope I never hurt her enough to make her suffer for anything. I mean she did a lot of things for me no other friend would. She listened to me for hours and hours and hours on end just so I get all of the puzzles from my head and try to sort them out, many times over the same time like no other friend would. She has always had something to say, always been careful with what she says to me to not accidentally hurt me or offend me or make me feel unwanted or abandoned. She always had an answer. I am 100% aware that there must’ve been times when she was desperate and didn’t know what else to say to me because I had drained all of the words out of her and brainwashed her thoughts, but she always kept going.
And so did my mom.

Their approval, opinion and advice means everything to me. I feel weird doing something my best friend or mom don’t approve off. But even then, they’re still so wonderful to tell me that I shouldn’t worry, because even if I am making the wrong choice they’ll stand by me through it and support me when it fails if it does. That gives me strength and confidence.

Many times I often just tell them what I will do or am planning to do, but in any case they stand by me. I always know their opinion, good or bad, especially my mom’s, but sometimes it stirs me the right way, and I am thankful each time.

Many don’t have a shoulder or ear to turn too and maybe receive help when they’re unsure if they’re doing the right thing or not. I am mature enough to realize how happy I actually am, because of them.

I have not been the best daughter, or the best friend I wish I could’ve been to Kristina, but she’s still mine. Funny how love works isn’t it?

At the same time they are my strength, my shield, my armor, my handkerchiefs, my insides, I am theirs as well.
Through every storm, who’s ever it is, we are lion hearts and we walk together through the storm, and I think my mom and Kristina are the only two hands I feel safe holding. I like to believe I am theirs as well.
My mom has told me more than once that sometimes I am the only one she can turn too, as well as my best friend, and I value that. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that someone feels the same way about me as I do for them, because I know just how much I love them both.

If they tell me it’s okay, if they tell me I’m doing the right thing, I have peace and serenity in my heart, because I know that even if we are all wrong and it’s not the right choice, nothing changes.

I wish this upon every single one of you. I hope you all have that special someone in your life who’s always been there for you.

But not just that. Not just someone who’s always been there for you, I wish you all have that person who you love so much and who you know will always love you, and who will always BE there for you. To be confident that you’re not losing this person anytime soon.

What inspired this post is this particular song:
Lionhearts by Demi Lovato

I listen to this song and imagine a rough and stormy road in front of me and me facing my troubles that come along the way, and the only two people I see walking with me or supporting me from the side is them two.
And as long as I know they’re behind me, I’m marching to the beat of the storm and we walk together into the light.

I try to tell my mom and Kristina as much as I can how much I would be completely lost without them, but I think deep down in their hearts they know. But they deserve to hear it.

If you have anyone in your life you value or love, show them love and never take them for granted. Realize what you have and learn to value whatever good or positive they bring into your life. Every little thing counts and every little thing matters.

If someone’s not there for you for the silliest and littlest things, bet your dollar they won’t show up for the big hardships.

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Don’t Run Away From Your Problems, Solve Them.

I spent the morning crying. For the past five days I have really enlarged my “quote wall” I talked about a long time ago on here. I felt like I needed it and even though I don’t necessarily like these types of quotes, this one speaks out to me because it sinks courage into me. It’s real.

Just because you ran away from your problem, doesn’t mean the problem is gone. It’s still there, waiting. You’ve just distanced yourself from it. Eventually it’ll catch up to bite you in the reer, because it was left unresolved. Basically like F’s and bad grades in school. It’s something I’m trying to follow to ease my head.

Along with my all time favorite quote;

It’s not my definite favorite but it’s definitely in the top five. I need this as a framed picture in my house. I am a very compassionate person that tries to satisfy everyone that matter to me, even if it means letting myself go for a little while. It goes out of hand, but some people are worth it. Sometimes it get’s confusing and in all honestly tiering, but I have a big conscience that makes everything harder and more painful.

These two together, they kind of crash heads, but I need them in my head 24/7 in order to make decisions. To be brave enough to do something I am afraid too, yet to think wisely about what that truly is and what is the true problem at hand.
Because they need to resolved

It’s Heart Breaking To Me.

I was in the middle of writing a completely different post, which was actually having a very sentimental vibe but now that’s shot to shit. I am having phenominal waves of every emotion right now.

I was interrupted by a Facebook page status about the progress of a little puppy’s life. At first, I didn’t know what was it about but the picture of the poor thing drew me in and appropriatelly scared me. Something horrible happened to him.

Apparently, a very nasty and vile family in the city of Kragujevac decided they’re going to, for no justifiable reason, beat up their puppy and if that wasn’t enough, pour acid all over him and leave him in their backyard struggling in pain. Why did I say for no justifiable reason, justifying this is impossible. The article was mainly describing all of the painful process he’s going through in order to make him healthy again. His skin is incredibly damaged and with each day, burns and wounds appear in more places and of course, all of this hurts him in amounts we can’t imagine. Thankfully, the wounds and pain are curable, it just takes a lot of time. They have enough money for his treatment but what they don’t have is a place for him.

I think that’s a very good sign of how his health is improving. Pretty soon, he’s going to need a loving home and a loving family that will take care of him and take him to all the treatments he will still need. I’m just spreading the word out because I knew that I have a few people/followers that live in the area that I know personally.

I just don’t understand. Tears fell down my face while reading the article and I got so angry and so pissed off. What is going through someone’s brain while committing such a crime. What the hell is with this power struggle so many apparently struggle with when it comes to animals?

Get over yourselves people. It’s an animal, not a toy. You’re not a little child that feels ownership over his favorite toy. If you didn’t know, an animal is still a living creature. It’s not a human, but that’s perfectly FINE. An animal doesn’t speak our language, it doesn’t walk on two legs (your average pet), it doesn’t eat using utensils and it doesn’t poop or pee sitting down on a toilet (unless trained). That’s it.
It breathes, it moves, it feels, it needs, it desires, it protests, it feels proud, it makes a mess and it is WORTHY. Worthy of a person’s love and nurture. I can’t explain it any simpler words. I don’t feel like I should. Any normal, sane brain will understand and won’t need any other ”reason” why not to hurt or abuse an animal that never wishes any harm towards you. It’s so heartbreaking in the most astonishing ways. I wish I knew what was going on inside my cats mind, I wish I knew what they were thinking. I wish I knew what they had to say.

Sometimes, what really truly get’s to me is the comments. I don’t know why we all feel the obligation to scroll down the comments, because in so many cases where we know what we are expecting,it should just be ignored. Comments such as the following;
”Stupid people omg, crying over an animal”,
”omg, its just a dog”,
”is a fucking animal, it doesn’t deserve love. it’s just there for our entertainement”,
”in our country these types of stuff are completely ignored, it’s just a fucking animal”.
No.
The comments really sink into my brain and it’s where I get furious with our world and people and the fact I live among these creatures who call themselves respectable human beings, thinking they’re worthy of respect. Not in my eyes. Not if you do this, not if you defend this.
I don’t and will never understand it. I will never, ever justify animal abuse for who ever it may be. People lose complete respect in my eyes when and if the deliberate harm of an animal touches their hands. People who feel that the emotion of hate felt towards animals is gloat worthy need to re-think their conciousness and their life. It is not alright and it is so unfair.

I dont want anyone to get me wrong. Hurting an animal in self-defense can be justified. Many street animals do have problems and rage-control problems and they can be unpredictable, even to little children. Even rats. But I will not justify an act of abuse, when the animal is minding their own business and you deliberately pick on it and worse, I don’t want to list it. You got what you asked for, what you do is what you get.

And remember this, this is something MANY annoying parents need to realize; An animal without a problem, will NEVER touch a young child/baby. They know what is an innocent being when they see it. It may look like they want to hurt it, but if your child is smaller than the dog, everything seems scary. If an animal attacked a child that was messing with him, it means your child is very much capable of knowing that they shouldn’t mess with street animals and toy with them. It’s not always the animal’s fault just because your child is considered little. Many street animals feel threatened ahead of time because they probably already let someone your child’s age toy with them and they ended up being kicked or shoved. Your child can’t know that? Neither can he.
Every animal has it’s why. It can be very see-through if an animal has a problem or if it’s acting suspcious. You just need to care enough to observe.

I am not an animal expert, but I do like to think I can understand them. I have been bitten by cats, dogs, parrots, guinea pigs, turtles, both indors and outdoors. I would walk up randomly to a cat on the street and prematurely start petting it, and even though she doesn’t hesitate for long, her claws come out and she holds onto my skin. I understand it and I stay still and look her right in the eye as a sign I don’t want to grab her, hurt her or anything. It is genuinely not my intention. Each and every time, the cat would look back and remove her claws and stand still. I would ease into it once more and she’d let me pet her.

They are very much aware that they ARE smaller and weaker than you and therefore, have to be on double watch for their well being.

I know I am writing something so generic, something that most people hear but it’s so heart breaking. I don’t understand it and I feel like a small percentage of people adress these types of things.

Each and every animal on earth has as much right to be here as you and me. - Anthony Douglas Williams. !!

Accepting Yet Another Reward, Again!

Heheh, well this put a little cheer to my night. Quite a few things did actually. I’m getting better and better by the day, health wise. I’ve made a few new friends over the past days.

I’ve managed to pick myself up, dust myself off and force myself to go out, once. I did, with a good friend that brought two other people, through which I met another person. The joy’s of friendship and being social and positive. Today, I spent most of my day chatting with Djordje and getting to know him better, and mind you, it’s 4:30 in the morning. I’ve finally found out the age of one of my very favorite bloggers here on WordPress. I’m still confused about that but pleasantly surprised at the same time. And now, the lovely and exceptionally talented Britta has nominated for the Sisterhood of The World Bloggers Award!

I’ve been nominated for this award I think a couple times before but it’s such a joy and honor. I feel like I should honor that someone felt my blog, writing and I with it were worthy of any award. A big big thank you to her. She is one fantastic strong, talented lady, who I have learned a few things from.

The rules I think are very much known to everyone. In a nutshell, you need to post the award logo, thank the blogger who nominated you, answer their questions they’ve left you, and possibly leave ten questions of your own to your nominee’s, and nominate seven people.
Also, I really need to think about my nominee’s, because there aren’t many people that I haven’t already nominated before – in a few other awards as well. I don’t think I’ll be able to assemble all of them right away. I’ll answer the questions Britta has left me, I’ll come up with ten questions of my own, but I’ll need to come back and edit my nominee’s in.

  1. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? 
    – I would really love to visit Australia. It’s such a beautiful and fantastic country to live in. I don’t think I would adapt on the lifestyle there, how they are used to living, but to me, it’s nature’s blessing.
  2. What has been your greatest learning experience thus far? 
    – My learning experience. Everything I have ever learned has been learned, in mostly the easy way rounds. My past I guess. I feel like that’s such a cliche answer but it’s really true. My past is basically what formed my mind, or at least, encouraged me to learn from it and think with my head. My present and the fear of my future makes it as steal as it is now.
  3. Who/what/where do you draw your strength from? (you can answer for all three W’s or just one…it’s up to you!)
    – Who, myself. I am a very self-concious person and I don’t like anyone to see me in my moment’s of weakness. My strength draws and ooze’s out of me in times where my character demands for it to be at it’s best. If I accomplish that, I feel stronger and eventually build it even more.
    – What, from the insides of people. That sounds so freaking creepy, doesn’t it. But, someone has to be a very specific, but if found, it’s where I get my inspiration from. My motivation and my strength for whatever that I need to do. Emotionally, whatever it may be.
  4. What blog post of yours are you most proud of and why?
    – Dang, I don’t have one of these. I really really love my post “Straight up Happiness? I Think Laughter“, because it’s something I live by. Something that really defines me in the simplest of words. It was something I thought about in front of my screen, I was telling it to myself, and wrote it down. And loved it. I stand by what I said.
  5. Your philosophy towards life in a few words…what is it?
    – You were born, you’re gonna die. It’s gonna end. Depressing, I know but.
  6. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? (apologies if you do not eat dairy…I myself get ill from ice cream, but still dream about those days when I could scarf down Ben Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough without getting an upset stomach)
    – I try to cut back on dairy, aiming towards veganism. But generally, I love old plain vanilla. It’s perfect in it’s simplicity.
  7. What does your dream home look like?
    – A picture that would describe exists not, sadly. It’s not called a Dream home for nothing.
  8. What is one thing you hope to have accomplished in ten years?
    Hope to have accomplished. A one way plain ride towards America. At least that.
  9. What is your favorite book?
    Honestly, I love the Harry Potter books. I love The Hobbit, I love Lord of the Rings. I don’t know.
  10. One thing that fills you with joy…what is it?
    – Animals.

These awards take up a lot of time. Really. I need to be snappy;

  1. What would be your dream pet?
  2. If you could do only one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  3. Would you ever like to find out when you are going to die? Why or why not?
  4. What is your favorite thing about the WordPress community?
  5. Which are some bloggers that inspire you or brighten up your day?
  6. How do you feel about The Hobbit movies?
  7. Out of all the social media websites you know, which is your least favorite and why?
  8. What is one attribute you are most proud off on yourself?
  9. If you could move anywhere, where would it be?
  10. If you woke up and a genie offered you only one wish you may use selfishly, what would you wish for?

I was really quick with my questions. I think you’ll find them quite stupid but I think interesting to answer too.

Now, my nominees are:

Fiction Limbo, The Finicky Cynic, Coffee and Musings, I Prefer Deep Blues and Sea Foam Greens..

Two are very frequent guests of mine, but two favorites of mine. The finicky cynic amazes me with each post,how much we have in common, and Z’, Z is fabulous. On the other hand, the two remaining bloggers are ones I have been loving in the past few weeks. I don’t show it very often, but I’m one of those stalkers. I’ll silently stalk and poof, all of a sudden I’m there and you never knew I existed.

I love these awards. Even more so when it’s not 5am, but I wanted to do it. Now I need to hop into bed asap. Like now.

A big big thank you to Britta once more. She was the charry on top of a non-sarcastically fantastic cake today!

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Anything worth having, is definitely worth waiting and fighting for.

And I’m not giving up on what I have fought and waited for such a long time.

The wait is a bitch, the loneliness is palpable, but the prize is unmeasurable. 

I needed the encouragement. Apologies for the absence, but life…

What I Consider To Be Good Quotes.

Ever since I posted my previous blogpost about my cats and added a couple of quotes, I can’t stop thinking about quotes in general. I am probably the most cynical person when it comes to quotes, especially life related ones.

”The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters” – Audrey Hepburn 
”Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale” – Hans Christian Andresen 
”Life is short, make it worthwhile”, ”You only live once, be thankful, choose to be happy”, ”Life is a choice” and so on and so forth.

While I am not in the place to disagree because I have no valid arguement as to why I would, but I don’t like being reminded of these things, nor do I find them helpful. If anything, they piss me off and annoy me. Some people get inspired, I get gloom and doom because those types of quotes mean nothing to me. They have absolutely no background, no insight to anything. Generalized statements.
Generalized in the sense that, they make it seem like it’s easy and they make it seem like it’s possible for everyone if they truly try and want it to work. Like failing means you didn’t want it or didn’t try hard enough. I am in the minority of people that takes the word ”Everyone” and ”Anyone” very seriously. Everyone means the entire globe. We don’t know the entire globe. We don’t know what happens behind everyone’s closed doors. I don’t want to list all of the horrible possiblities that can occur in one’s life because the list is endless. Exactly because of that.
Being happy, being thankful, turning over a new page, not caring what other’s think of you, concentrating on the little things in life is not Always possible. But that’s me.

I over think everything. I’m sorry that almost all of my posts have that depressing, controversial twist but those are the things I think about frequently and that I care about. If I don’t explain myself, I feel like I gave people more space for ignorance to creep in.

Strangely enough I find Albert Einstein’s quotes to be quite funny and interesting. And very relatable. Many other great minds of course. I have actually started a ”Quote wall” in my bedroom. I have two Kitty stickers, my ultimate favorite date penciled in (17.03.12) right in the middle of a heart floating above them, and sticky note’s all around of quotes I relate too.

Relatable quotes. Insightful quotes. Quotes that may teach you something or enlighten you about something in a simple sentence. That may give you an insight on yourself, your character, your flaw even. That may expand your mind. That may actually help you if you’re feeling upset, lost with yourself and like you have none of the answers, but so many questions. You read a quote such as:

”The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it”

from Albert Einstein himself and you, or at least me, start thinking more deeply about that statement. I start re-living past situations in my mind where I’ve seen injustice being passed, lies and judgement and I did nothing about it, even though I speak against it. I re-live situations where I passed judgement and injustice on someone else. It makes me motivated. I start realizing things about myself and through over-thinking it, I always find new and more appropriate ways to express my concerns or opinions. It makes me motivated to say, ”This is true. I do have this flaw. Hm, next time something like this comes long, I’m going to think of this”. Improving yourself and teaching yourself how to think.

That’s how my mind works  Not one hundred percent of the time and it doesn’t always work but baby steps. I try to train my brain to work like that. It’s a system that helps, and I want it to work.

”A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new” – Albert 

It’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to learn from it.

”The only source of knowledge is experience” – Albert 

Exactly.

It doesn’t always have to be something insightful about life or your character, or even you. The quote can relate too anything I am interested in. Anything I wish to learn more about. Animals is one subject I am passionate about and stand by a lot of quotes. SO MANY.

The ignorance and greed many humans allow themselves when it comes to animals is despicable. We at least have a voice and use it to our own advantage. If animals could be given a voice for a day, humanity would be ashamed.

”We destroy life and we pollute the oceans and skies, yet we have the audacity to call ourselves superior beings” – Anthony Douglas Williams

”There are other spiritual beings on earth other than human beings” – Anthony Douglas Williams 

Each and every animals on earth has as much right to be here as you and me” – Anthony Douglas Williams 

The man explained it in three sentences that no one can deny.

I know I’m not the only one, but I know I’m not the majority of people who found this to be much more helpful and educational than any quote of happiness and life I could find on the internet.
Sure, these types of quotes are big amounts of food for thought and all people want sometimes is momentary positivity but personally, means nothing when I know it’ll pass.

”We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them” – Albert Einstein.