Calm The F Down With Your Confidence.

I am about to sound like such an asshole, but I am so done. I am so done with a big percentage of my gender.

First of all, I am sick and I am pissed because I am sick. I have been sick almost non stop for the past two months. It’s not even being sick, it’s having a goddamn mild cold that leaves you nowhere. You don’t have a high fever, you’re not throwing up, your stomach or anything internal is not hurting,you’re just coughing, sneezing, having sore throats, feeling weak and hopeless because you’re not right or left. You’re somewhere in the middle and you keep going back and forth.

On top of that, I really don’t need what I have been given. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer everytime III specifically write a blogpost. I am not trying to make a nice, educational blogpost, I am just annoyed as hell.

I have nothing against people being happy and feeling confident with what they’re doing with their life, how they’re doing it, on their looks, behaviour, whatever it may be. You do you, that’s great. But people, there is such a thing as being too confident. There is such a thing as thinking way too highly of yourself. And there is such a thing called being an asshole when you think you are just littering your confidence out into the world. I don’t stand this and I don’t respect it.

There’s a fine line between being self-centered and pretentious and confident.
I have this problem with so many people in real life and it is disturbingly frequent online and with female artists of any kind. I am that person that will dwell on the fact that some idiot said something I exclusively hate and bitch about how and why I disagree with it. Unfortunately for me, it happens way more often than I would prefer it. But also fortunately, I can’t and wouldn’t want to keep track of it all, I’d go insane.

When it happens I can explain exactly what I mean.

When someone feels the need to compare themselves to other’s in order to make a point that they are better in a certain aspect, or even directly need to state that the other individual’s trate is bad, is not CONFIDENCE.
Nor are you confident for being able to say that publicly without fear- because you allegedly have no fear,it’s who you are-, nor are you confident because You beautified Yourself by making someone seem less beautiful than you.

Posting a picture on a social media, posting a picture of your-oh let’s say, gym/workout progress, that seems to be a thing. Posting a picture of you trying to pull off a Kim Kardashian reer while you bend over a work out bar with full make up on, making a kissy face, i’m sorry, but that ALSO bugs the buggers out of me.

I strongly respect and appreciate people who- like Selena Gomez that do not have to ehance the fact that they are confident and that they love their body and that they love life and that life is glorious and… *breathes*. She just does it. She dresses like she doesn’t mind her curves, she put’s her hair up like she doesn’t mind her seemingly bigger ears, she doesn’t even draw attention to it even when people make comments.

It sounds so wrong and so selfish, because I do agree people should love their body, should embrace it, should embrace their flaws, should be happy, but just like I don’t like people ranting on motivational and inspirational quotes about life and how it’s glorious and how it’s an adventure, I don’t like people overcompensating their looks so they come as confident.

It is overcompensating if you need to grind on the fact that you ‘have an amazing smile even if i have uneven teeth. Suck it haters. #HatersGonnaHate #Spread Love’. Really?

I believe that someone who is truly confident in the most amazing of ways, someone who believes in what they say and what they do and how they do it, they don’t need to justify it or show it off or even mention it. They do it. I respect that. I really do. You didn’t say a thing, but something to learn from is said when you do speak. That’s amazing to me.

It’s perfectly okay to think you’re different, that you stand out, that you have traits you find special and nice. Be different, stand out, embrace those traits you think are special, keep them. Just do it. It shines through.

Confidence comes in so many packages. Confidence when it comes to apperance, physical appeareace, in acts of character, parenthood, certain decision in certain things LIKE parenthood. Almost all of those are different things.

I do understand that celebrities need to sometimes be motivational and inspirational to their fans, but I guess It’s just me that I try to avoid those types of ”speeches”. I find motivation and inspiration in every day acts. Just do what you do, don’t grind on the fact you actually do it and why you do it.

I’ve gotten many comments that my way of appoaching these types of topics are very odd, but it’s how it is. Very complicated, yet very simple. Everything has a line that can be crossed, everything has a limit. Even confidence.

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Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Anything worth having, is definitely worth waiting and fighting for.

And I’m not giving up on what I have fought and waited for such a long time.

The wait is a bitch, the loneliness is palpable, but the prize is unmeasurable. 

I needed the encouragement. Apologies for the absence, but life…

Straight Up Happiness? I Think Laughter.

I’m a cynic, but I can say this;

Happiness is the key to life? No. I don’t like that phrase. I’d much rather look at it like this; Happiness is a way of life. You ‘choose’ to be happy if possible. The key of life is to live it how you want to live it, if you can.

Laughter is the key to happiness? Yes. You don’t have to be happy to laugh. But you become happy when you do laugh.

Laugh and you’ll be happy, and everything that comes with it.

Analyzing My Life.

I completely realize how serious my title sounds like, but I have no other way to call it. The past few days, I just really wanted to step back and look at myself and my daily routines and future wishes, hopes and dreams. What things I do, how do I do those things, when do I do them and what should be changed. Obviously, I complied a list which isn’t the happiest thought.

I mentioned before that I am very excited for 2015 open it’s doors finally and I can start the year off well. Assuming everything until then goes as planned. That would be such a bummer wouldn’t it, if things didn’t go as planned. I mean, there’s only two and a half weeks left. If something so big can occur, stick a fork in me. Life, keep your shit together for that long. I’m not asking for much. I’ll make it work afterwards.

I am young. I haven’t even started living properly yet, but I am scared of my future. I’m at the point where I’m both scared and excited. I feel like 2015 will bring great things and great joy to my life and great people that will keep my outlooks positive. And I know,as soon as I say that it all goes down the crapper. I am still not at the point of thinking where I’m gonna be after highschool, much less in the long run. I am honestly occupied in getting the smaller things in place. And I mean the really small things.

I have bad habits, I’m lazy and pretty much messy and unorganized. It’s embarassing to admit but there I went. As aformentioned, I am young but I am not going to be getting any younger.  I am old enough to take care of myself in quite a few aspects and take responsiblity for a lot of things. That I do. I have my priorities straight and what comes first and what is right and what is wrong. When to do certain things and when not to do them. Taking responsiblity for my actions. I have all of that in the deepest depths of my mind, somewhere in one of the thousands locked drawers I unlock when I need it. Of course, with a lot of space for improvement and more knowledge.

People around me inspire me to tweek these things, more frequently and more successfuly. I am very observant and I see inspiration in the really really small, almost insignificant things. Like, the way someone holds their pen and writes their words. It’s crazy, but I notice it. And if I like it? Everytime I’ll be writing something, I’ll be thinking how to work that into my own handwriting and motion. It’s pretty ridicilous and sometimes time consuming but I enjoy it.

Kalel has been my, I don’t wanna say inspiration in the past few months, but my, erm, my push, my strive for constant work and my safety net, not to quit. I sound so serious. Like I’m dealing with these enormous problems in my life and I have no idea where to start. Haha, no I promise you it’s not like that. I just want to get all of my thoughts out. Everything that I have written down I feel like needs to be in here as well.

She’s a very, I wanna say unique type of person. At least to me, because I haven’t ”met” many people like her in my life or came across. She’s a big perfectionist and she’s always up for change and each change has to be perfect, or it doesn’t work. I have met perfectionists in my life but her packet, all together I feel like is unique. She has some very nice qualities I admire and a few life routines that I want to pick up on. I’m going with baby steps that’ll seem ridicilous for you guys but in truth, I’ve never been motivated to do anything in my life until about two years ago. It’s the childhood that I had, never left me curious about anything and I had no support behind me.

Don’t laugh at me:

  • Wearing slippers all of the time. In my house, of course. I’m sure that almost every kid, or every parent struggled with making their children wear socks or slippers around the house when it’s cold. My floor is always freezing. Heat comes from feet and up. If your feet are cold, you’ll most likely be cold all over.
    I found a loop hole that works for me. Since I truly hate slippers, they are so inconvenient for me, I bought me these:

    They are SO warm and SO comfortable and they’re always on my feet. Problem solved. It’s a habitation thing.
  • Being more organized. I mentioned in my New Years resolutions post, I need to do this. I really love the idea of writing my to do list for each day, writing down my ideas, getting the habits of making my bed every single morning, arranging my closet etc. Just getting my home, or the parts I use of it together and always organized and in place. I hate being messy, and you’d think that the little space I have would make it easier for me to clean but no. It makes my brain lazier, thinking it’ll always seem stocked up and unorganized. That’ll be changed, mark my words!
  • Eating healthier! I can’t stress how important  this is to me. It’s not even about figure wise. Sure, it has effect on it, my figure and weight can always be better but I feel like I am ruining my body on the inside. Or at least ruined it to a great extent.
    I said that I will stop drinking coke, done it and failed after 3 weeks. I stopped again and I have slips. I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. I don’t want to eat junk food, I don’t want to eat non-cooked food ALL OF THE FLIPPING time. I don’t want to. My father and my lifestyle are difficult for that case, because we do not have that custom. Ever since my mom moved out, we eat whenever, whatever. And it’s mostly either fruit or junk food. I get enough fruit in my body, that I am proud off. Fruits and vegetables, but even that amount can’t over come everything bad I do in the mean time.
    It’s so unhealthy and I hate it. I am using my fast metabolism to the bone, sucking the life out of it and it’ll give up on me. I feel it. That’s why I need routines! I need rules in my life.

    A list in front of me and a stick behind me. 

  • Stop leaving dishes and left over foods everywhere. This is so embarassing. Why am I even adding this. This will bring nothing but eye rolles on that little immature kid who blogs.
    But I do this a lot. I take one glass out, use it, leave it when I’m done. I want another drink, I get another glass, use it, leave it when I’m done. I get a plate, eat my food, leave it on the side of my desk. I eat chips, leave the bag on the side of my desk. And the list goes on…
    It’s such a childish thing and I’m getting better at it by the day.

I realized this is way too long so I’m going to split this! There will be a sequel to this list. There’s a few more things that I need to change and that I need to list. A few, more significant and important things. And just a heads up, to get effecient and not slack on my duties, I already made a list of everything and taped it on my bedroom wall, so I’m reminded every single day.
See, organization.

Now all I need to do is keep going. That’s the hard part.

What I Consider To Be Good Quotes.

Ever since I posted my previous blogpost about my cats and added a couple of quotes, I can’t stop thinking about quotes in general. I am probably the most cynical person when it comes to quotes, especially life related ones.

”The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – it’s all that matters” – Audrey Hepburn 
”Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale” – Hans Christian Andresen 
”Life is short, make it worthwhile”, ”You only live once, be thankful, choose to be happy”, ”Life is a choice” and so on and so forth.

While I am not in the place to disagree because I have no valid arguement as to why I would, but I don’t like being reminded of these things, nor do I find them helpful. If anything, they piss me off and annoy me. Some people get inspired, I get gloom and doom because those types of quotes mean nothing to me. They have absolutely no background, no insight to anything. Generalized statements.
Generalized in the sense that, they make it seem like it’s easy and they make it seem like it’s possible for everyone if they truly try and want it to work. Like failing means you didn’t want it or didn’t try hard enough. I am in the minority of people that takes the word ”Everyone” and ”Anyone” very seriously. Everyone means the entire globe. We don’t know the entire globe. We don’t know what happens behind everyone’s closed doors. I don’t want to list all of the horrible possiblities that can occur in one’s life because the list is endless. Exactly because of that.
Being happy, being thankful, turning over a new page, not caring what other’s think of you, concentrating on the little things in life is not Always possible. But that’s me.

I over think everything. I’m sorry that almost all of my posts have that depressing, controversial twist but those are the things I think about frequently and that I care about. If I don’t explain myself, I feel like I gave people more space for ignorance to creep in.

Strangely enough I find Albert Einstein’s quotes to be quite funny and interesting. And very relatable. Many other great minds of course. I have actually started a ”Quote wall” in my bedroom. I have two Kitty stickers, my ultimate favorite date penciled in (17.03.12) right in the middle of a heart floating above them, and sticky note’s all around of quotes I relate too.

Relatable quotes. Insightful quotes. Quotes that may teach you something or enlighten you about something in a simple sentence. That may give you an insight on yourself, your character, your flaw even. That may expand your mind. That may actually help you if you’re feeling upset, lost with yourself and like you have none of the answers, but so many questions. You read a quote such as:

”The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it”

from Albert Einstein himself and you, or at least me, start thinking more deeply about that statement. I start re-living past situations in my mind where I’ve seen injustice being passed, lies and judgement and I did nothing about it, even though I speak against it. I re-live situations where I passed judgement and injustice on someone else. It makes me motivated. I start realizing things about myself and through over-thinking it, I always find new and more appropriate ways to express my concerns or opinions. It makes me motivated to say, ”This is true. I do have this flaw. Hm, next time something like this comes long, I’m going to think of this”. Improving yourself and teaching yourself how to think.

That’s how my mind works  Not one hundred percent of the time and it doesn’t always work but baby steps. I try to train my brain to work like that. It’s a system that helps, and I want it to work.

”A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new” – Albert 

It’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to fail, and it’s okay to learn from it.

”The only source of knowledge is experience” – Albert 

Exactly.

It doesn’t always have to be something insightful about life or your character, or even you. The quote can relate too anything I am interested in. Anything I wish to learn more about. Animals is one subject I am passionate about and stand by a lot of quotes. SO MANY.

The ignorance and greed many humans allow themselves when it comes to animals is despicable. We at least have a voice and use it to our own advantage. If animals could be given a voice for a day, humanity would be ashamed.

”We destroy life and we pollute the oceans and skies, yet we have the audacity to call ourselves superior beings” – Anthony Douglas Williams

”There are other spiritual beings on earth other than human beings” – Anthony Douglas Williams 

Each and every animals on earth has as much right to be here as you and me” – Anthony Douglas Williams 

The man explained it in three sentences that no one can deny.

I know I’m not the only one, but I know I’m not the majority of people who found this to be much more helpful and educational than any quote of happiness and life I could find on the internet.
Sure, these types of quotes are big amounts of food for thought and all people want sometimes is momentary positivity but personally, means nothing when I know it’ll pass.

”We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them” – Albert Einstein. 

Things That Make Me Happy

I know that people say happiness comes in small measures. Which is true! The small things matter the most and leave lasting emotions.

But I fear that what my list will consist off will not be such small, simple things. I didn’t actually think this through or plan it, so I’m just going with the post and the tips of my fingers.
And imagine, chocolate is not one of them. Oh my goodness gracionious.

  • My kitties. Animals in general really. They make me way too happy and I am never lonely with them near me. I look at them and obeserve them, how they walk, how they move, their level of curiousity is astonishing. They are so cute and cuddly and they purr so nicely, it’s heaven on earth.
  • Piles of books. Oh my gosh! I think most of us judge books by their covers. The prettier, fancier and more glittery it looks, even if the title is something that does not interest you at all, I’m sure you all crave it. Or at least roll it around in your hands, thinking how great it would be if you sat down and actually read a freaking book. I always do when I’m in a dry streak.
    I always imagine my perfect moment I described once, on a cold winters day, sitting in my little office with hot tea or hot chocolate and I’m cozied up in my big chair with big shelfs and book cases FILLED with books.
    Belle’s library! In the castle! I know all bookworms thought, ”I want that in my house”. It makes me happy to see. It makes me appreciate books more and knowledge. If there’s any way you can learn something, it’s through books.
  • Buying notebooks, lots of notebooks, pencils, pens, markers, erasers, sharpenders, check books, daybooks. Supplies. I have no idea why but it has a shine to it like big piles of books. I just love having nice, big notebooks around. I try not to use them for rubbish ’cause many we’re thrown out due to my poor usage of them. Such a shame. But I’ve improved and since my writing in them got a lot more frequent, they’re certainly filled up. I feel like a ton of pens and fun colored markers all put in one of those containers makes a desk look that much more cool and it inspires me.
    Actually yes, I realized that right now. It inspires me. That’s what I’m aiming for with my (possibly, hopefully) future office. I want to feel inspired when I walk through the door. When I see notebooks and pens, my mind instatly goes ”Hm, so beautiful. I wanna write… What should I write about”, and tons of ideas flutter around my head like stars or birds.
  • Vanilla ice cream. Not chocolate, vanilla. It’s a sweet taste of heaven itself.
  • Those late night, nicely arguemented discussions about something I and that person feel passionate about. Those brain-teasers and food for thought discussions where there’s no true end. The discussion can go on forever because we have so many things to say and as time flies more and more thoughts and opinions build up and it’s just a wonderful time! These are exceptional talks because you don’t have the privilege of having them with  just anyone. It takes two understanding, wise and open-minded souls to listen & actually try to absorb what the person is suggesting and maybe let it grow.
  • Glass figures. They’re rich and beautiful. Oh… I just got an idea for a seperate shelf for my house in the future. Heheheh. Now I’m excited. Maybe not an entire shelf, but here and there, you know? To brighten up the place. I don’t like  chandeliers thou. They scare me. I feel like they’re going to fall over me any flipping second. Plus if you’ve watched the movie War Of The Roses, those two started with a chandelier life and died on a chandelier. It’s scary stuff. Such a morbid film really.
    Look at this little bundle of beauty.

    Have you noticed how everything in my life somehow revolves around cats and 65% of the time, all of my examples are cat related. It’s concerning.

That’s all I can really come up with off the top of my head. There’s a million more smaller and simpler things than this. A shinning, live day makes me happy. When I walk out and I feel free and breath in the fresh air. Good energy, positivity. Best way to start a day off, I’m sure. I could go into detail and I probably should’ve but it would be trying too hard in my case.

I wish I truly believed in everything I constantly say to people about positivity and happiness. That famous quote:

Even though I can’t practice these particular thoughts on myself, I want you guys to be happy and embrace even the smallest things that make you happy. Make them happen more often.
I guess happiness is a choice? Choose to be happy and LAUGH/smile more.
If there’s one thing I love and believe truly helps, it’s laughter.

You’re the most beautiful when you smile. 🙂