We are lionhearts

b18978f0c7ca2f2ac23487a12202a3f8

Having the childhood I have had and having dealt with all the things I have ever since I was 5 years old, there’s a few people in my life that are irreplaceable for the spots in my heart as someone who’s stood by me even when I thought of giving up on myself.

My mother and my very best friend Kristina. They both mean the absolute world to me and I don’t say that just because my mom is my mom and I’m ”supposed” to love her and know she is always beside me. Nothing is guaranteed and her support shouldn’t be taken for granted. As something that’s obviously supposed to be there. She didn’t have to be the mother and best friend she is today. She didn’t have to go into such depths with me, to understand me completely and truly see the world from my point of view just so she can give me one advice. She didn’t have to do anything, she did all of it because yeah she loved me, on that front a  mother has no choice, but a mother who is your biggest support and best friend and safest mirror is a gift everyone lucky enough to have should cherish.

My best friend suffered through a lot with me. I don’t mean emotionally, at least I hope she didn’t. I hope I never hurt her enough to make her suffer for anything. I mean she did a lot of things for me no other friend would. She listened to me for hours and hours and hours on end just so I get all of the puzzles from my head and try to sort them out, many times over the same time like no other friend would. She has always had something to say, always been careful with what she says to me to not accidentally hurt me or offend me or make me feel unwanted or abandoned. She always had an answer. I am 100% aware that there must’ve been times when she was desperate and didn’t know what else to say to me because I had drained all of the words out of her and brainwashed her thoughts, but she always kept going.
And so did my mom.

Their approval, opinion and advice means everything to me. I feel weird doing something my best friend or mom don’t approve off. But even then, they’re still so wonderful to tell me that I shouldn’t worry, because even if I am making the wrong choice they’ll stand by me through it and support me when it fails if it does. That gives me strength and confidence.

Many times I often just tell them what I will do or am planning to do, but in any case they stand by me. I always know their opinion, good or bad, especially my mom’s, but sometimes it stirs me the right way, and I am thankful each time.

Many don’t have a shoulder or ear to turn too and maybe receive help when they’re unsure if they’re doing the right thing or not. I am mature enough to realize how happy I actually am, because of them.

I have not been the best daughter, or the best friend I wish I could’ve been to Kristina, but she’s still mine. Funny how love works isn’t it?

At the same time they are my strength, my shield, my armor, my handkerchiefs, my insides, I am theirs as well.
Through every storm, who’s ever it is, we are lion hearts and we walk together through the storm, and I think my mom and Kristina are the only two hands I feel safe holding. I like to believe I am theirs as well.
My mom has told me more than once that sometimes I am the only one she can turn too, as well as my best friend, and I value that. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that someone feels the same way about me as I do for them, because I know just how much I love them both.

If they tell me it’s okay, if they tell me I’m doing the right thing, I have peace and serenity in my heart, because I know that even if we are all wrong and it’s not the right choice, nothing changes.

I wish this upon every single one of you. I hope you all have that special someone in your life who’s always been there for you.

But not just that. Not just someone who’s always been there for you, I wish you all have that person who you love so much and who you know will always love you, and who will always BE there for you. To be confident that you’re not losing this person anytime soon.

What inspired this post is this particular song:
Lionhearts by Demi Lovato

I listen to this song and imagine a rough and stormy road in front of me and me facing my troubles that come along the way, and the only two people I see walking with me or supporting me from the side is them two.
And as long as I know they’re behind me, I’m marching to the beat of the storm and we walk together into the light.

I try to tell my mom and Kristina as much as I can how much I would be completely lost without them, but I think deep down in their hearts they know. But they deserve to hear it.

If you have anyone in your life you value or love, show them love and never take them for granted. Realize what you have and learn to value whatever good or positive they bring into your life. Every little thing counts and every little thing matters.

If someone’s not there for you for the silliest and littlest things, bet your dollar they won’t show up for the big hardships.

true-friend-quotes-22

 

 

A Step In The Right Direction

Wow, this feels so odd being back here. How long has it been? Four months, yeah. I will be back shortly with another post explaining my silence and a few other things, although my previous post back in February I think is self explanatory. I’ve been solving my problems and not running away from them.

The reason I decided this will be the moment I come back to WordPress is to share one very simple and incredible thing that happened. June 26th of 2015 will now forever be known as the day America, or the US Supreme Court made an incredible change. Same sex marriage is now legal in all 50 US states. Justice is served!

I cannot comprehend how happy this news made me. It would’ve made me even happier if I was myself gay or felt that weight fly off my chest from the pressure I imagine every gay person on this earth felt for years. Or not. But none the less, it made me cry tears of joy. I am so happy and proud of this change and I hope we can move forward and not stop with the fight. This was a huge step and it took a long time but with the same willingness to fight and patience, justice will be served throughout the entire globe, which is what is deserved.

Everyone deserves happiness in all shapes and forms and freedom to pursue happiness with another, with someone they love, be it their same sex partner or not without judgement or restrictions. Love is love, and love always wins. No one deserves to be held against being themselves. ❤

I just, I can’t. I was between shock and an enchanting wave of happiness when I realized what was going on. This is monumental and needs to go on, needs to spread. I just can’t imagine all of the great, talented, intelligent, wonderful people, I cant imagine how relieved they must feel to know that finally they can express who they are and step into marriage and love without fear.

I’m so proud and happy and glad and I wish every couple out there who has been wishing and hoping for a happy life with the one they love all the best and every gay person in the world luck to find that person and live happily.

One huge, monumental step, in the right direction. Let’s keep moving!

Be yourself, love yourself, don’t be ashamed of who you are. Nobody can do a better job at being you than you. 

I’m sorry if you disagree with this decision, you have the right to have an opinion, that is all on you.
But I hope everyone has learned by now to choose their words carefully when it comes to matters like this.
At the end of the day, statements like, The gay population is what’s polluting the earth and violating all laws of nature are absolutely wrong and unfair. You’re HUMAN too that does everything to ruin this earth just as much as ”they” do. It’s not in anyone’s business what kind of intimacy goes on in one’s bed.

That’s all I’m gonna say. 🙂

Don’t Run Away From Your Problems, Solve Them.

I spent the morning crying. For the past five days I have really enlarged my “quote wall” I talked about a long time ago on here. I felt like I needed it and even though I don’t necessarily like these types of quotes, this one speaks out to me because it sinks courage into me. It’s real.

Just because you ran away from your problem, doesn’t mean the problem is gone. It’s still there, waiting. You’ve just distanced yourself from it. Eventually it’ll catch up to bite you in the reer, because it was left unresolved. Basically like F’s and bad grades in school. It’s something I’m trying to follow to ease my head.

Along with my all time favorite quote;

It’s not my definite favorite but it’s definitely in the top five. I need this as a framed picture in my house. I am a very compassionate person that tries to satisfy everyone that matter to me, even if it means letting myself go for a little while. It goes out of hand, but some people are worth it. Sometimes it get’s confusing and in all honestly tiering, but I have a big conscience that makes everything harder and more painful.

These two together, they kind of crash heads, but I need them in my head 24/7 in order to make decisions. To be brave enough to do something I am afraid too, yet to think wisely about what that truly is and what is the true problem at hand.
Because they need to resolved

Feelings Suck.

I love this so much. I can relate to it in every possible sense but at the moment it is hurting me to even think about it.

All those thoughts and hopes I talked about in very late 2014/very early 2015 just might shatter and be left to nothing. My year has definitely not been going the way it was planned. I can’t say it’s been worse, but nothing good I was hoping for happened either. And it’s been killing me the past few weeks.

I’m at that point in a relationship with someone (not a romantic relationship, but a relation with romantic feelings) where I’m thinking about the well being of that person 90% more than the well being of myself. I don’t want to think about me, I want to think about him and what’s best for him. I’m at that point where I’m realizing that everything I have experienced with this person, and all the love I feel for him and have felt throughout these past 3 years is enough for me to hold onto as a memory if the day should come I need to let go completely. And I feel like that day is approaching very fast.
I’m at that point where you love someone way too much to keep them for your own selfish reasons if staying isn’t doing any good for them and whereyou actually feel you could accept it, for the possible well being of that person.

He’s very far away from me and that distance means nothing to us, compared to how we feel in our hearts. Sadly, the distance means very much to our seperate lives that keep going seperate ways. It’s breaking my heart because it is not a black and white situation. Nor are we throwing in the towel at the first bump. The struggle’s have been going on for the past year and a half and it’s becoming extremely hard for him. Not because we are impatient or just don’t want to hurt anymore, but because it’s becoming impossible to maintain anything with the schedule’s he has that he by the way hates.

Nothing’s been said yet exclusively, but I feel it coming. It’s that feeling when you know, but you avoid actually saying it our loud. You delay the pain of saying it out loud. No decision has been made so far, but with any, I know that what I feel is strong enough to let myself be happy as long as he’s happy. Damn, that is so hard to say. It’s so hard to comprihend. Should a ”split up” happen, I know that it can’t in any way be better than where we are now, but we’re both thinking for the long run. Some things are just becoming neccessary and important but undoable with us still standing in this one spot. More for him than for me but it’s enough.

I cried every day the past week, thinking it over and over and if we’ll make a mistake by pulling the final straw. I don’t like to listen to things like ”There will always be another guy”, ”Life is trial and error”, ”Some things are just not meant to last”, ”Not all the people in your life are meant to stay”. No. I don’t want none of that from my friends.

I don’t know what I want to hear but it’s not that. That’s a crock off b/ icing on an already over-flowing cake. No one needs to hear that while going through it. I want to listen to sad songs I can relate too while I stuff vanilla ice cream down my throat and appreciate everything that has happened and that I got to experience something like I had, but still cry because that person meant too much. And I want hugs. That’s it.

Now I’ll go, before I start crying again. I would never wish a heart like mine upon someone, not in this state. It’s horrible. I wish that upon no one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij_0p_6qTss The future that we hold is so unclear…

The Truth

Animal quotes 0005

YES. This is so hard for some people to accept and I can kind off understand why. I don’t justify it, I just understand it.

I know that I tend to get on edge when people try to convince me that some animal is better than another, like why dogs are better than cats. I don’t like to be told that, especially by someone that never had a cat or a dog in his home and never experienced having any kind of pet. I like normal civilized conversations about anything animal related but I don’t like when someone intentionally comes at me with the intention of trying to lecture me why his dog wil always be better than my cat. I do get defensive at that point. And many people don’t understand that I don’t disagree with any exlusive dog lover.

Dogs are more loyal by nature and heart, they would die for their master, they’re more obedient unlike cats.
Cats ARE loyal to an extent, but a cat never needs you to survive, where as a dog, if attached, would die waiting for his master to give him food. Cats usually get attached to the home, like rats. If you have a nice comfortable home, she’ll be staying. And you can’t train a cat. If you try, it’ll be 1-0 for the cat.

Unless you have a specific breed of cat like a Savannah that is a hybrid. Now this is my dream cat to have. Savannah cats are a hybrid between a serval cat that is 100% a wild cat and a domestic cat and they think like dogs. I think they all have cheetah spots and grow to have really long legs and really big ears and they are overall big cats when they grow up. They can jump up to 5 feet. Most love water, can be trained to poop and pee in the toilet, they can be walked on a leash and they know how to swim. And of course they’re extremely loyal and beautiful.

But honestly, it’s what I love most about cats. It’s exactly because they are the way they are. If you look at it realistically, a cat is a reflection off you. Very rarely do you find an animal so close to human characteristics as a cat is. What I love and respect when it comes to a cat is that they, in most cases, demand for you to earn their respect first, and show them why should they love you. They don’t need you for food per say, they don’t need you to survive, you need to show them you are worthy of their love and attention. To many, this sounds very, selfish I’m guessing? Many don’t feel like an animal so much smaller is worth the time and effort, feeling they’re superior, but someone who thinks like that shouldn’t own a cat. They’re right, they shouldn’t even try.

Many say that once you feed a cat and give it a place to sleep, they’ll mind their own business like you don’t exist, but that person doesn’t know what he or she is talking about. Come to my house once and you’ll see just how gentle and cuddly they can be, especially on a full stomach. With the right amount of time and effort and patience, cats love you more than you know.

I got off track but like the picture says, a cat stays with a genuinely good man. If a cat hisses at you for no apparent reason, you might want to re-think you conscience. 

It’s Heart Breaking To Me.

I was in the middle of writing a completely different post, which was actually having a very sentimental vibe but now that’s shot to shit. I am having phenominal waves of every emotion right now.

I was interrupted by a Facebook page status about the progress of a little puppy’s life. At first, I didn’t know what was it about but the picture of the poor thing drew me in and appropriatelly scared me. Something horrible happened to him.

Apparently, a very nasty and vile family in the city of Kragujevac decided they’re going to, for no justifiable reason, beat up their puppy and if that wasn’t enough, pour acid all over him and leave him in their backyard struggling in pain. Why did I say for no justifiable reason, justifying this is impossible. The article was mainly describing all of the painful process he’s going through in order to make him healthy again. His skin is incredibly damaged and with each day, burns and wounds appear in more places and of course, all of this hurts him in amounts we can’t imagine. Thankfully, the wounds and pain are curable, it just takes a lot of time. They have enough money for his treatment but what they don’t have is a place for him.

I think that’s a very good sign of how his health is improving. Pretty soon, he’s going to need a loving home and a loving family that will take care of him and take him to all the treatments he will still need. I’m just spreading the word out because I knew that I have a few people/followers that live in the area that I know personally.

I just don’t understand. Tears fell down my face while reading the article and I got so angry and so pissed off. What is going through someone’s brain while committing such a crime. What the hell is with this power struggle so many apparently struggle with when it comes to animals?

Get over yourselves people. It’s an animal, not a toy. You’re not a little child that feels ownership over his favorite toy. If you didn’t know, an animal is still a living creature. It’s not a human, but that’s perfectly FINE. An animal doesn’t speak our language, it doesn’t walk on two legs (your average pet), it doesn’t eat using utensils and it doesn’t poop or pee sitting down on a toilet (unless trained). That’s it.
It breathes, it moves, it feels, it needs, it desires, it protests, it feels proud, it makes a mess and it is WORTHY. Worthy of a person’s love and nurture. I can’t explain it any simpler words. I don’t feel like I should. Any normal, sane brain will understand and won’t need any other ”reason” why not to hurt or abuse an animal that never wishes any harm towards you. It’s so heartbreaking in the most astonishing ways. I wish I knew what was going on inside my cats mind, I wish I knew what they were thinking. I wish I knew what they had to say.

Sometimes, what really truly get’s to me is the comments. I don’t know why we all feel the obligation to scroll down the comments, because in so many cases where we know what we are expecting,it should just be ignored. Comments such as the following;
”Stupid people omg, crying over an animal”,
”omg, its just a dog”,
”is a fucking animal, it doesn’t deserve love. it’s just there for our entertainement”,
”in our country these types of stuff are completely ignored, it’s just a fucking animal”.
No.
The comments really sink into my brain and it’s where I get furious with our world and people and the fact I live among these creatures who call themselves respectable human beings, thinking they’re worthy of respect. Not in my eyes. Not if you do this, not if you defend this.
I don’t and will never understand it. I will never, ever justify animal abuse for who ever it may be. People lose complete respect in my eyes when and if the deliberate harm of an animal touches their hands. People who feel that the emotion of hate felt towards animals is gloat worthy need to re-think their conciousness and their life. It is not alright and it is so unfair.

I dont want anyone to get me wrong. Hurting an animal in self-defense can be justified. Many street animals do have problems and rage-control problems and they can be unpredictable, even to little children. Even rats. But I will not justify an act of abuse, when the animal is minding their own business and you deliberately pick on it and worse, I don’t want to list it. You got what you asked for, what you do is what you get.

And remember this, this is something MANY annoying parents need to realize; An animal without a problem, will NEVER touch a young child/baby. They know what is an innocent being when they see it. It may look like they want to hurt it, but if your child is smaller than the dog, everything seems scary. If an animal attacked a child that was messing with him, it means your child is very much capable of knowing that they shouldn’t mess with street animals and toy with them. It’s not always the animal’s fault just because your child is considered little. Many street animals feel threatened ahead of time because they probably already let someone your child’s age toy with them and they ended up being kicked or shoved. Your child can’t know that? Neither can he.
Every animal has it’s why. It can be very see-through if an animal has a problem or if it’s acting suspcious. You just need to care enough to observe.

I am not an animal expert, but I do like to think I can understand them. I have been bitten by cats, dogs, parrots, guinea pigs, turtles, both indors and outdoors. I would walk up randomly to a cat on the street and prematurely start petting it, and even though she doesn’t hesitate for long, her claws come out and she holds onto my skin. I understand it and I stay still and look her right in the eye as a sign I don’t want to grab her, hurt her or anything. It is genuinely not my intention. Each and every time, the cat would look back and remove her claws and stand still. I would ease into it once more and she’d let me pet her.

They are very much aware that they ARE smaller and weaker than you and therefore, have to be on double watch for their well being.

I know I am writing something so generic, something that most people hear but it’s so heart breaking. I don’t understand it and I feel like a small percentage of people adress these types of things.

Each and every animal on earth has as much right to be here as you and me. - Anthony Douglas Williams. !!