Calm The F Down With Your Confidence.

I am about to sound like such an asshole, but I am so done. I am so done with a big percentage of my gender.

First of all, I am sick and I am pissed because I am sick. I have been sick almost non stop for the past two months. It’s not even being sick, it’s having a goddamn mild cold that leaves you nowhere. You don’t have a high fever, you’re not throwing up, your stomach or anything internal is not hurting,you’re just coughing, sneezing, having sore throats, feeling weak and hopeless because you’re not right or left. You’re somewhere in the middle and you keep going back and forth.

On top of that, I really don’t need what I have been given. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer everytime III specifically write a blogpost. I am not trying to make a nice, educational blogpost, I am just annoyed as hell.

I have nothing against people being happy and feeling confident with what they’re doing with their life, how they’re doing it, on their looks, behaviour, whatever it may be. You do you, that’s great. But people, there is such a thing as being too confident. There is such a thing as thinking way too highly of yourself. And there is such a thing called being an asshole when you think you are just littering your confidence out into the world. I don’t stand this and I don’t respect it.

There’s a fine line between being self-centered and pretentious and confident.
I have this problem with so many people in real life and it is disturbingly frequent online and with female artists of any kind. I am that person that will dwell on the fact that some idiot said something I exclusively hate and bitch about how and why I disagree with it. Unfortunately for me, it happens way more often than I would prefer it. But also fortunately, I can’t and wouldn’t want to keep track of it all, I’d go insane.

When it happens I can explain exactly what I mean.

When someone feels the need to compare themselves to other’s in order to make a point that they are better in a certain aspect, or even directly need to state that the other individual’s trate is bad, is not CONFIDENCE.
Nor are you confident for being able to say that publicly without fear- because you allegedly have no fear,it’s who you are-, nor are you confident because You beautified Yourself by making someone seem less beautiful than you.

Posting a picture on a social media, posting a picture of your-oh let’s say, gym/workout progress, that seems to be a thing. Posting a picture of you trying to pull off a Kim Kardashian reer while you bend over a work out bar with full make up on, making a kissy face, i’m sorry, but that ALSO bugs the buggers out of me.

I strongly respect and appreciate people who- like Selena Gomez that do not have to ehance the fact that they are confident and that they love their body and that they love life and that life is glorious and… *breathes*. She just does it. She dresses like she doesn’t mind her curves, she put’s her hair up like she doesn’t mind her seemingly bigger ears, she doesn’t even draw attention to it even when people make comments.

It sounds so wrong and so selfish, because I do agree people should love their body, should embrace it, should embrace their flaws, should be happy, but just like I don’t like people ranting on motivational and inspirational quotes about life and how it’s glorious and how it’s an adventure, I don’t like people overcompensating their looks so they come as confident.

It is overcompensating if you need to grind on the fact that you ‘have an amazing smile even if i have uneven teeth. Suck it haters. #HatersGonnaHate #Spread Love’. Really?

I believe that someone who is truly confident in the most amazing of ways, someone who believes in what they say and what they do and how they do it, they don’t need to justify it or show it off or even mention it. They do it. I respect that. I really do. You didn’t say a thing, but something to learn from is said when you do speak. That’s amazing to me.

It’s perfectly okay to think you’re different, that you stand out, that you have traits you find special and nice. Be different, stand out, embrace those traits you think are special, keep them. Just do it. It shines through.

Confidence comes in so many packages. Confidence when it comes to apperance, physical appeareace, in acts of character, parenthood, certain decision in certain things LIKE parenthood. Almost all of those are different things.

I do understand that celebrities need to sometimes be motivational and inspirational to their fans, but I guess It’s just me that I try to avoid those types of ”speeches”. I find motivation and inspiration in every day acts. Just do what you do, don’t grind on the fact you actually do it and why you do it.

I’ve gotten many comments that my way of appoaching these types of topics are very odd, but it’s how it is. Very complicated, yet very simple. Everything has a line that can be crossed, everything has a limit. Even confidence.

Beauty Is In Everyone.


Okay, you see this picture right here? That’s my face.
No, this is not a post in which I present myself to you guys. I have my own picture on my profile and even if you didn’t see it, my indentity is not news worthy.

I want to point out, that is my face. The picture isn’t fresh, meaning it’s not from Today, but I am freshly showered and I have freshly brushed minty teeth on the picture, with zero amounts of make-up whatsoever. That is how I am. That’s it.

I am not a victim of the bullying that is unfortunately often in the world, mainly on the internet, when it comes to determing someone’s beauty and the judgement of their looks. I don’t know if it’s because I had luck, because I do have pictures on the Internet on a few different social media’s, or it’s because I have stumbled upon people who think I am attractive.

Either way, I am so freaking sick of the uncontrolable judgement and abuse that is happening all over the world, each day to hundreds of different people. I am sick of hearing, and more so reading comments on any social media (Mostly Twitter and Instagram but all are included) anytime someone posts a picture, things that point out the smallest flaws and imperfections on a person’s face or body. Not to mention I am sick of people who are plain mean who aim to hurt the person by stating straight up insults.

“You’re ugly”, ”Ugh, your nose is too big”, ”You’re fat”, you’re this, you’re that.

First of all, Why?
Who wakes up and feels the need to write that. Why do you feel compelled to write the nastiest comment just because you’re given the option. Why can’t you over come the things you don’t find attractive on that person and focus on the smallest positive thing. It can be as simple as complementing the earrings that person is wearing. His or her necklace, glasses, sunglasses, ring, hair, the way they dress, their shirt or jeans. All of the effort you put into restricting yourself from writing a nasty comment can do wonders for the person you’re going to instead compliment.
No, this does not mean this; Oh, I hate this picture, your legs look fat but I do like your earrings.

What are you expecting from a comment like that? Do you expect that this person will give such importance to your comment that they’re going to go and try to change that? Change their appearence for you and society, just for the 10 seconds you spend on their Instagram or Twitter account to write that comment.

Second of all; Nobody is perfect and neither are you. You don’t think that this person knows their flaws and imperfections? You don’t think they know their skin isn’t perfect, or that their teeth aren’t as white as they could be or that they have trouble adjusting their weight. What gives you the right to go and point out flaws in a person. Do you think you’re perfect? Do you think you have reached all the ”standards of beauty” and nobody can say anything bad about your face and figure?

Just as a reminder; By leaving a comment, thinking that you’re trying to be ”rational” about someone’s apperance, when it’s only just to point out that they have ”big” flaws in their apperance (like that’s such a horrible thing), really show cases a big character flaw you have.

I am no saint. I have said mean things to somebody, out of jealousy and anger and when I simply disliked a person. Be it privately or a celebrity of some sort. I know what you’re thinking. What gives you the right to ”preach” about it then. Nobody is a saint, but I think it’s important to still have that awareness in the back of our minds that it is NOT OKAY. Because, as long as you have that, you just might control your words and not let your tongue be faster than your brain. You have the understanding and therefore, stop yourself from doing something that you wouldn’t like to be done to you. 

You don’t want people to point out your flaws, you know your flaws. If you try to embrace them or work on them if you can, you shouldn’t be judged for it.

Everyone has an opinion, and you have the right to think someone is unattractive to you. I may be the ugliest person in the world for someone reading this. You have the right to think what you want too, but that doesn’t mean you have the right to hurt people’s feelings intentionally.

Luckily, there are people that go through this, ”normal” average people and bigger public figures and celebrities that have enough confidence and strength to deal with it. But cyber bullying of any kind can lead do horrific things happening that have unchangeable consequences. Do you really want to a possible part of that? Like so many were, in the deaths of so many young teenagers. That is a big, very big issue that doesn’t really fit with what I wrote above, but I felt it necessary to say that sometimes, everything goes too far.

Everything and anything can be an insecurity. You don’t know what that may be. Stick to the positive. As a wise, clumsy rabbit once said; If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

There is no such thing as an image of beauty, something that defines it and says THIS IS IT. People see other people differently. Is this really so hard to understand? Someone’s batt is another person’s angel.
This goes for both the male and female sex. Not only women are descriminated against and bullied when it comes to looks.

Angelina Jolie was nominated as one of the most beautiful women, if not the most beautiful women in the world. To me, she is not. I was going to make a comparison, but that would demolish everything I have said here. To me, she is scary. I feel this way, but I don’t feel the need to go on her Instagram or even search up news about her just to leave my opinion out into the void. I have the right to dislike her, and you have the right to dislike me for saying that.

I know that there are reasons or as many would call them excuses people have for leaving comments like this. I myself have had them before. There is really no excuse. We all know you have enough strength to restrict yourself from typing out a nasty comment. Don’t add salt to their open wounds.

And did you ever notice that we’re all so very strong when we’re not looking into each other’s eyes? Would you be able to walk up to that annoying, most popular and most ”loved” person in your class and tell them right to the face everything you would tell someone you don’t know on Instagram? Someone that can’t affect your life in any other way. Even if you know the person and you’re 100% convinced, like you know that that person is an asshole to you in real life as it show cases on their photos, don’t become that asshole. Be the better man, go to someone’s profile and leave a good comment. The smallest thing.

It really doesn’t matter what age someone is. *Even though I am a big dissaprover of young children (-14) making selfies, exactly because of this*, If they post pictures on which they seem like they’ve got it all figured out, you do not know that and you do not need to test it. You don’t care. Do you have everything figured out with your own body image? You do not know the insecurities someone has. That positive comment you decided to leave just might boost their confidence about that one little thing and that does wonders.

Many have a defense mechanism to fighting their insecurities by putting up photos that show case none. If you think you are beautiful, let other’s feel it too.

Put yourself in their shoes. Beauty can be found anywhere in anything, if you want to look.
Let people feel beautiful for even a second.

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Anything worth having, is definitely worth waiting and fighting for.

And I’m not giving up on what I have fought and waited for such a long time.

The wait is a bitch, the loneliness is palpable, but the prize is unmeasurable. 

I needed the encouragement. Apologies for the absence, but life…

Analyzing My Life.

I completely realize how serious my title sounds like, but I have no other way to call it. The past few days, I just really wanted to step back and look at myself and my daily routines and future wishes, hopes and dreams. What things I do, how do I do those things, when do I do them and what should be changed. Obviously, I complied a list which isn’t the happiest thought.

I mentioned before that I am very excited for 2015 open it’s doors finally and I can start the year off well. Assuming everything until then goes as planned. That would be such a bummer wouldn’t it, if things didn’t go as planned. I mean, there’s only two and a half weeks left. If something so big can occur, stick a fork in me. Life, keep your shit together for that long. I’m not asking for much. I’ll make it work afterwards.

I am young. I haven’t even started living properly yet, but I am scared of my future. I’m at the point where I’m both scared and excited. I feel like 2015 will bring great things and great joy to my life and great people that will keep my outlooks positive. And I know,as soon as I say that it all goes down the crapper. I am still not at the point of thinking where I’m gonna be after highschool, much less in the long run. I am honestly occupied in getting the smaller things in place. And I mean the really small things.

I have bad habits, I’m lazy and pretty much messy and unorganized. It’s embarassing to admit but there I went. As aformentioned, I am young but I am not going to be getting any younger.  I am old enough to take care of myself in quite a few aspects and take responsiblity for a lot of things. That I do. I have my priorities straight and what comes first and what is right and what is wrong. When to do certain things and when not to do them. Taking responsiblity for my actions. I have all of that in the deepest depths of my mind, somewhere in one of the thousands locked drawers I unlock when I need it. Of course, with a lot of space for improvement and more knowledge.

People around me inspire me to tweek these things, more frequently and more successfuly. I am very observant and I see inspiration in the really really small, almost insignificant things. Like, the way someone holds their pen and writes their words. It’s crazy, but I notice it. And if I like it? Everytime I’ll be writing something, I’ll be thinking how to work that into my own handwriting and motion. It’s pretty ridicilous and sometimes time consuming but I enjoy it.

Kalel has been my, I don’t wanna say inspiration in the past few months, but my, erm, my push, my strive for constant work and my safety net, not to quit. I sound so serious. Like I’m dealing with these enormous problems in my life and I have no idea where to start. Haha, no I promise you it’s not like that. I just want to get all of my thoughts out. Everything that I have written down I feel like needs to be in here as well.

She’s a very, I wanna say unique type of person. At least to me, because I haven’t ”met” many people like her in my life or came across. She’s a big perfectionist and she’s always up for change and each change has to be perfect, or it doesn’t work. I have met perfectionists in my life but her packet, all together I feel like is unique. She has some very nice qualities I admire and a few life routines that I want to pick up on. I’m going with baby steps that’ll seem ridicilous for you guys but in truth, I’ve never been motivated to do anything in my life until about two years ago. It’s the childhood that I had, never left me curious about anything and I had no support behind me.

Don’t laugh at me:

  • Wearing slippers all of the time. In my house, of course. I’m sure that almost every kid, or every parent struggled with making their children wear socks or slippers around the house when it’s cold. My floor is always freezing. Heat comes from feet and up. If your feet are cold, you’ll most likely be cold all over.
    I found a loop hole that works for me. Since I truly hate slippers, they are so inconvenient for me, I bought me these:

    They are SO warm and SO comfortable and they’re always on my feet. Problem solved. It’s a habitation thing.
  • Being more organized. I mentioned in my New Years resolutions post, I need to do this. I really love the idea of writing my to do list for each day, writing down my ideas, getting the habits of making my bed every single morning, arranging my closet etc. Just getting my home, or the parts I use of it together and always organized and in place. I hate being messy, and you’d think that the little space I have would make it easier for me to clean but no. It makes my brain lazier, thinking it’ll always seem stocked up and unorganized. That’ll be changed, mark my words!
  • Eating healthier! I can’t stress how important  this is to me. It’s not even about figure wise. Sure, it has effect on it, my figure and weight can always be better but I feel like I am ruining my body on the inside. Or at least ruined it to a great extent.
    I said that I will stop drinking coke, done it and failed after 3 weeks. I stopped again and I have slips. I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. I don’t want to eat junk food, I don’t want to eat non-cooked food ALL OF THE FLIPPING time. I don’t want to. My father and my lifestyle are difficult for that case, because we do not have that custom. Ever since my mom moved out, we eat whenever, whatever. And it’s mostly either fruit or junk food. I get enough fruit in my body, that I am proud off. Fruits and vegetables, but even that amount can’t over come everything bad I do in the mean time.
    It’s so unhealthy and I hate it. I am using my fast metabolism to the bone, sucking the life out of it and it’ll give up on me. I feel it. That’s why I need routines! I need rules in my life.

    A list in front of me and a stick behind me. 

  • Stop leaving dishes and left over foods everywhere. This is so embarassing. Why am I even adding this. This will bring nothing but eye rolles on that little immature kid who blogs.
    But I do this a lot. I take one glass out, use it, leave it when I’m done. I want another drink, I get another glass, use it, leave it when I’m done. I get a plate, eat my food, leave it on the side of my desk. I eat chips, leave the bag on the side of my desk. And the list goes on…
    It’s such a childish thing and I’m getting better at it by the day.

I realized this is way too long so I’m going to split this! There will be a sequel to this list. There’s a few more things that I need to change and that I need to list. A few, more significant and important things. And just a heads up, to get effecient and not slack on my duties, I already made a list of everything and taped it on my bedroom wall, so I’m reminded every single day.
See, organization.

Now all I need to do is keep going. That’s the hard part.

Seven Lovely Logics

  1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t spoil your present.
  2. What others think of you is none of your business, nor does it matter. What matters most is what you think of you.
  3. Time heals almost everything. Give the time, some time.
  4. No one is the source of your happiness and success, except you yourself.
  5. Don’t compare your life with other’s, you have no idea what their journey is all about. The grass always seems greener somewhere else.
  6. Stop thinking too much. It’s alright not to know all the answers.
  7. Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world.

I’m not too big on inspirational quotes. I find myself far too complex to settle for one quote that stands and aquires on only one or two aspects. With me, there’s always at least five.
These are a few, accordingly, yet simply worded ‘logics’. 🙂