I didn’t title this blog post just yet, ’cause I don’t know where I’m going with it. Do I ever? It makes me feel so guilty. It’s so awful. Am I offering blog posts on a serious website or am I keeping an online diary. There’s nothing wrong with an online diary, but it’s not what I am ever going for.
I finally head on over to the doctors, I made an appointment and guess what? It was a seriously bad flu, that so very conveniently happened to merge with a pattern of very bad eating and sleeping habits. Incredibly happy to say I am feeling a lot better, given the fact I have had fevers the past few days of my absence. They are the absolute worst. There’s no sore throat or rainy nose or a few back and headaches that can be as bad as when you have a fever, combined with the three.
Makes you feel helpless and almost hopeless.
All of that is gone, except for a few sneezes here and there. I am still 100% convinced it’s some allergic reaction to a spec of Something that’s obviously constantly in my presence. My doctor said it could just be coincidental frequent irritation of my nostrils, but you don’t have frequent irritations 2 months in a row.
Even though I was feeling sick and very weak, I didn’t want to sleep through the entire time I basically had free. I wanted to manage it wisely and use it. I have kept very busy, cleaning, organizing over and over, house work, studying as much as I could. Just keeping my hands and mind busy. For me, they were really the first and second days of school, so there’s not much to study, but I wanted to keep up with my resolutions for 2015 and always be on track with my school work. Just simple re-reading through your daily lessons works a bunch. So that’s what I did.
It was very hard, because frequently I have had serious writer’s block. If you can even call it that.
Actually no you can’t. Writer’s block is something different than from what I was experiencing. It’s not that I couldn’t think of things to write, I didn’t feel like writing. My motivation and inspiration for writing comes and goes according to my mood. I have to be in a neutral mood and everything above that scale in order to be able to write my thoughts down.
I know that’s bad, because writing should be a way for someone to release everything that’s going on in their mind and eventually feel better, because they feel they’ve shared it with someone.
But the more frequent the saddens/pain becomes, the harder it is to sit down, write and share it. After awhile, it becomes pointless and you feel like you’re re-writing the same thing over and over. Very few words are left. Eventually, you lose the will to write anything that’s on your mind when you’re experiencing the sadness. Nothing feels genuine. At least that’s how my mind works. If I were to have a meaningful end to it, a smart advice I could give to anyone reading in need of help, I may have written down and published it. But instead, I settled for a couple of sentences in my last blog post, and a quote I related most too.
And of course, there’s always that conscious doubt in the mind that I think appears in the mind of almost every blogger once they write down a long personal text that’s about to be shared on the internet. Sometimes those texts end up in the draft folder anyway.
And yes, you guessed it. Since I am writing this post that is reaching a long level, I do quite feel neutral. If not satisfied. Almost happy.
I’m gonna leave what I wrote alone. If I scroll up and re-read everything, I’ll start questioning every sentence. I feel like I owe someone an apology, I really feel discouraged. I need to step up, work more and devote a lot more time into what I write. I used to write my posts exclusively in a notebook first, work out all of the bugs, and then basically copy paste onto WordPress. It worked then, seemed like a good technique for me. I got to take my time and think about every sentence which seems like a waste of time, but it’s who I am. I’m very self-conscious.
Don’t do that guys! Don’t be like me. Your work is as good as anyone else’s! As long as you enjoy what you’re doing and feel good about what you’re writing, just click Publish and enjoy your fellow blogger’s posts. Enjoy WordPress because there are some amazing people here. I would give shout out’s right here, but let’s save that.
Hey that can be a post. Cling! Devote an entire post about a few bloggers I really love? That would be nice and fun. Yeah. I know there are a few.
Have a good one guys! I hope you have a wonderful day/afternoon/evening.