Calm The F Down With Your Confidence.

I am about to sound like such an asshole, but I am so done. I am so done with a big percentage of my gender.

First of all, I am sick and I am pissed because I am sick. I have been sick almost non stop for the past two months. It’s not even being sick, it’s having a goddamn mild cold that leaves you nowhere. You don’t have a high fever, you’re not throwing up, your stomach or anything internal is not hurting,you’re just coughing, sneezing, having sore throats, feeling weak and hopeless because you’re not right or left. You’re somewhere in the middle and you keep going back and forth.

On top of that, I really don’t need what I have been given. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer everytime III specifically write a blogpost. I am not trying to make a nice, educational blogpost, I am just annoyed as hell.

I have nothing against people being happy and feeling confident with what they’re doing with their life, how they’re doing it, on their looks, behaviour, whatever it may be. You do you, that’s great. But people, there is such a thing as being too confident. There is such a thing as thinking way too highly of yourself. And there is such a thing called being an asshole when you think you are just littering your confidence out into the world. I don’t stand this and I don’t respect it.

There’s a fine line between being self-centered and pretentious and confident.
I have this problem with so many people in real life and it is disturbingly frequent online and with female artists of any kind. I am that person that will dwell on the fact that some idiot said something I exclusively hate and bitch about how and why I disagree with it. Unfortunately for me, it happens way more often than I would prefer it. But also fortunately, I can’t and wouldn’t want to keep track of it all, I’d go insane.

When it happens I can explain exactly what I mean.

When someone feels the need to compare themselves to other’s in order to make a point that they are better in a certain aspect, or even directly need to state that the other individual’s trate is bad, is not CONFIDENCE.
Nor are you confident for being able to say that publicly without fear- because you allegedly have no fear,it’s who you are-, nor are you confident because You beautified Yourself by making someone seem less beautiful than you.

Posting a picture on a social media, posting a picture of your-oh let’s say, gym/workout progress, that seems to be a thing. Posting a picture of you trying to pull off a Kim Kardashian reer while you bend over a work out bar with full make up on, making a kissy face, i’m sorry, but that ALSO bugs the buggers out of me.

I strongly respect and appreciate people who- like Selena Gomez that do not have to ehance the fact that they are confident and that they love their body and that they love life and that life is glorious and… *breathes*. She just does it. She dresses like she doesn’t mind her curves, she put’s her hair up like she doesn’t mind her seemingly bigger ears, she doesn’t even draw attention to it even when people make comments.

It sounds so wrong and so selfish, because I do agree people should love their body, should embrace it, should embrace their flaws, should be happy, but just like I don’t like people ranting on motivational and inspirational quotes about life and how it’s glorious and how it’s an adventure, I don’t like people overcompensating their looks so they come as confident.

It is overcompensating if you need to grind on the fact that you ‘have an amazing smile even if i have uneven teeth. Suck it haters. #HatersGonnaHate #Spread Love’. Really?

I believe that someone who is truly confident in the most amazing of ways, someone who believes in what they say and what they do and how they do it, they don’t need to justify it or show it off or even mention it. They do it. I respect that. I really do. You didn’t say a thing, but something to learn from is said when you do speak. That’s amazing to me.

It’s perfectly okay to think you’re different, that you stand out, that you have traits you find special and nice. Be different, stand out, embrace those traits you think are special, keep them. Just do it. It shines through.

Confidence comes in so many packages. Confidence when it comes to apperance, physical appeareace, in acts of character, parenthood, certain decision in certain things LIKE parenthood. Almost all of those are different things.

I do understand that celebrities need to sometimes be motivational and inspirational to their fans, but I guess It’s just me that I try to avoid those types of ”speeches”. I find motivation and inspiration in every day acts. Just do what you do, don’t grind on the fact you actually do it and why you do it.

I’ve gotten many comments that my way of appoaching these types of topics are very odd, but it’s how it is. Very complicated, yet very simple. Everything has a line that can be crossed, everything has a limit. Even confidence.

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I’m Grateful For Her

It is currently noon and I just had breakfast. I wanted to say it was a late breakfast but counting down the past weekends and years, it’s really not. But anyhow, it was late considering I woke up at nine and stayed in bed till basically half past eleven. I was talking with my mom throughout all this time, about everything that was on my mind this morning. It’s always so refreshing and wonderful.

It was supposed to be a cuddling session. She cuddled up in bed beside me and I randomly started thinking in flashbacks. Our conversations drift from one subject to another in the most spontaneous way. We mentioned 10 different aspects of our thinking and 10 different examples, yet we’re still on track with what we want to say.
I asked “Mom?”, “Yeah?”, “Elvis Presley died from over doze of drugs right”, “Yes?”, “Would I die instantly if I took the same amount he had at his last breath right now, because I’ve never tried it?”, “Probably, yeah.”.

Why was I asking myself this question, I am not entirely sure. I think I was calculating in my mind what kind of death that must be. Is it fast, painful, slow, in hallucinations and are those people even aware that they’re dying if it’s slow? I came to the conclusion it is fast or a person just doesn’t know it happened. They fall asleep and never get up. Their heart stops, they run cold.
But goodness, I did not start this blog post to talk about death. Nor am I planning any of this. Let me get back to my point.

A conversation that started on the topics of drugs, we drifted to a topic of life. Everything regarding people, their insecurities and how do we end up in the bad times like we do, life, characters and the injustice that exists in the world.
As mom would say, I inherited the same ‘curse’ she has. She has an extremely open mind, it stretches in all directions and she tries to rationalize & understand everything. The world is not black and white for us, there’s fifty shades of gray.

It’s a curse because you don’t find people similar to you very easily. And it’s a rough and bumpy ride to experiment who is and who isn’t. So since not many people can grasp all our thoughts or even understand them, your thoughts are pretty much left to yourself. Me and my mom prefer that sometimes. We don’t feel the need to spat on and on about our opinions to everyone and share ”our wisdom”. If we have sometimes to say, if we think we should, we’ll say it. If there’s no reason, why when ignorance is inevitable and there’s no point in arguing with a unreasonable person.

I finally told her everything that was on my mind and I told her about me becoming cynical. Why I look down on too confident people, why do inspirational happy life related quotes anger me, why I feel like they generalize the entire world, and why I am so easy to dismiss someone out of my life.  As always, she was an amazing listener and an even better responder. As always, she understood me and we started finishing each other’s sentences. She saw deeper meaning in my words and she truly understood what I was saying and what’s even better, she agreed. She and I are completely the same.

I won’t get into the conclusions and all that’s been confirmed in my head, but I will say I am feeling like the luckiest 16 year old in the world. I truly have an amazing mother that I don’t know what I’d do without.
We’ve done this thousands of times but each makes me feel peaceful and like a weight has been lifted. Each makes me feel grateful I have her the way she is.
She’s always been patient with me and what matters absolutely most to me is, not only has she taught me {and herself in the process} too be open with her and not fear her judgment, she kept that promise. I truly can talk to her about Anything, I mean anything. Even the craziest, most embarrassing things you could ask a parent, I have asked her. {with boundaries around everything of course, I know my lines. She is the parent after all}.

People get so freaked out when I tell them about my relationship with my mom. Us two, are completely free and crazy. We have made some ridiculously funny memories and almost all of them are due to our mutual stupidity and silliness. And she says I am the only one she can be that freely with. She’s my mom and my best friend.

No family is perfect, and ours certainly isn’t but us two, we’re pretty damn close as a team. I don’t do grateful posts and I realize not everyone can have a good relationship with their parents due to various reasons, I myself with my father. For years and I’m still struggling.
Exactly why I am grateful to have my mom. She’s my safety net and my biggest push. A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart.