We are lionhearts

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Having the childhood I have had and having dealt with all the things I have ever since I was 5 years old, there’s a few people in my life that are irreplaceable for the spots in my heart as someone who’s stood by me even when I thought of giving up on myself.

My mother and my very best friend Kristina. They both mean the absolute world to me and I don’t say that just because my mom is my mom and I’m ”supposed” to love her and know she is always beside me. Nothing is guaranteed and her support shouldn’t be taken for granted. As something that’s obviously supposed to be there. She didn’t have to be the mother and best friend she is today. She didn’t have to go into such depths with me, to understand me completely and truly see the world from my point of view just so she can give me one advice. She didn’t have to do anything, she did all of it because yeah she loved me, on that front a  mother has no choice, but a mother who is your biggest support and best friend and safest mirror is a gift everyone lucky enough to have should cherish.

My best friend suffered through a lot with me. I don’t mean emotionally, at least I hope she didn’t. I hope I never hurt her enough to make her suffer for anything. I mean she did a lot of things for me no other friend would. She listened to me for hours and hours and hours on end just so I get all of the puzzles from my head and try to sort them out, many times over the same time like no other friend would. She has always had something to say, always been careful with what she says to me to not accidentally hurt me or offend me or make me feel unwanted or abandoned. She always had an answer. I am 100% aware that there must’ve been times when she was desperate and didn’t know what else to say to me because I had drained all of the words out of her and brainwashed her thoughts, but she always kept going.
And so did my mom.

Their approval, opinion and advice means everything to me. I feel weird doing something my best friend or mom don’t approve off. But even then, they’re still so wonderful to tell me that I shouldn’t worry, because even if I am making the wrong choice they’ll stand by me through it and support me when it fails if it does. That gives me strength and confidence.

Many times I often just tell them what I will do or am planning to do, but in any case they stand by me. I always know their opinion, good or bad, especially my mom’s, but sometimes it stirs me the right way, and I am thankful each time.

Many don’t have a shoulder or ear to turn too and maybe receive help when they’re unsure if they’re doing the right thing or not. I am mature enough to realize how happy I actually am, because of them.

I have not been the best daughter, or the best friend I wish I could’ve been to Kristina, but she’s still mine. Funny how love works isn’t it?

At the same time they are my strength, my shield, my armor, my handkerchiefs, my insides, I am theirs as well.
Through every storm, who’s ever it is, we are lion hearts and we walk together through the storm, and I think my mom and Kristina are the only two hands I feel safe holding. I like to believe I am theirs as well.
My mom has told me more than once that sometimes I am the only one she can turn too, as well as my best friend, and I value that. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that someone feels the same way about me as I do for them, because I know just how much I love them both.

If they tell me it’s okay, if they tell me I’m doing the right thing, I have peace and serenity in my heart, because I know that even if we are all wrong and it’s not the right choice, nothing changes.

I wish this upon every single one of you. I hope you all have that special someone in your life who’s always been there for you.

But not just that. Not just someone who’s always been there for you, I wish you all have that person who you love so much and who you know will always love you, and who will always BE there for you. To be confident that you’re not losing this person anytime soon.

What inspired this post is this particular song:
Lionhearts by Demi Lovato

I listen to this song and imagine a rough and stormy road in front of me and me facing my troubles that come along the way, and the only two people I see walking with me or supporting me from the side is them two.
And as long as I know they’re behind me, I’m marching to the beat of the storm and we walk together into the light.

I try to tell my mom and Kristina as much as I can how much I would be completely lost without them, but I think deep down in their hearts they know. But they deserve to hear it.

If you have anyone in your life you value or love, show them love and never take them for granted. Realize what you have and learn to value whatever good or positive they bring into your life. Every little thing counts and every little thing matters.

If someone’s not there for you for the silliest and littlest things, bet your dollar they won’t show up for the big hardships.

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I Have To Be Honest

My last real post was way way way back in February, when it was the very beginning of the year 2015, now it’s December and it’s ending. Starting everything and never finishing a thing is one of my biggest character flaws that I have. I am way too ambitious in my mind, but I am way too lazy or get way too distracted with other things to finish anything. I need to watch that when I look for a partner in life, because he can’t have that same quality.

The week before this one, I got into contact with one of my very old friends I have known for five years now, once again after awhile of not talking. She has made a blog of her own on wordpress and it got me thinking and actually remembering I have my own blog. I know, that sounds so freaking terrible but this is quite possibly the most honest post I’ll post on here.

I felt terrible after the realization, for a few reasons.
It reminded me of my previously said flaw and it got me so angry at myself. Why did I start once again all over, and what’s worse, why did I leave such a great thing that was developing, everything was going great with the blog? I know why, but why did I even have to start if I wasn’t going to take it 100% serious. I’m so mad.
The bigger and more important reason (for me) is that this blog was almost a gift. In my very first post on this blog Fresh New Start I mention a name, a friend of mine, a very dear friend who actually made this blog come to life. As I said in the post, I was feeling so inspired, so ready, so on board, so passionate about writing again and he actually made the passion and happiness even greater. He actually paid for my theme on this blog, because my theme was not free. He paid a good chunk of money to make my blog what I wanted it to be and I feel like I, made a mockery of it. Not intentionally of course, but I feel like I even owe it to him to continue blogging.

That’s not entirely why I am writing this post. I am writing it because once again, I want to blog and I want to write. I have done so much writing the past 10 months, but I feel angry I didn’t use my blog to express myself like I wanted too. I have so much to share all of a sudden, but blogging should be done right. It should be taken seriously if you want to attract readers and make them stay and be interested in your content, which I did not fulfill in the last couple of months of my blogging time.

But I wasn’t doing what I originally thought I was going too. Around December 2014 and January 2015, my life got very complicated, messy and I didn’t know how to handle my own feelings about it all and what I should do. I think I mentioned it and wrote about it in a few blogposts, I can’t even remember anymore.  I had to hide things from my life that I desperately wanted to share. That’s part of blogging, writing about your griefs, sorrows, sharing your happiness, your sadness, experiences, thoughts, giving tips, offering help and so many other things.
But I couldn’t share my own sadness. There were certain things I wasn’t comfortable the world reading and certain people couldn’t read certain content I would share. It would make things even more messy. I got caught up in drama and mistakes I made myself and it wasn’t sharable. It became frustrating, to have to think about what I am exactly saying word per word so that I don’t say saying I shouldn’t and to me, it wasn’t at all genuine. I felt bad. I felt it wasn’t fair to anyone who read my content. Be it the few people who visited my blog regularly or someone who just popped in to say hi.

I figured not blogging at all is easier, I just don’t have to deal with the pressure. But after awhile, it became horrible because taking a pause from my blog was taking a pause from WordPress itself. There were, and still are blogs I gladly read with a smile on my face, but I couldn’t keep up with their content anymore. I wasn’t checking in frequently enough. So even that phase of just checking and reading, just to feel in contact and in line with their lives and stories ended.

It may be horrible. It may be childish to anyone who reads this blogpost. I know It’s my fault, I know that I was frivolous with all of it but I feel bad.

I’m still in a place where I can’t share all parts of my life and I still don’t want to hide anything. I didn’t lie about a single thing in my blogposts, rather just never talked about it. I feel awful, and I want to continue blogging, but I don’t want to make any type of promise or even publish this blogpost saying that I will write, contionuously. I may break it.

I’m in a pickle. Starting where I left off would slightly be, distasteful, if I can express it that way. Starting all over again is out of the question.
What do I do?

The Upcoming End of Two And A Half Men. (Rant Alert)

Can you even formulate it like that? Upcoming end? I think you can, sounds almost right. Sigh. I am a little nervous at the moment. Actually I’m very nervous. One thought is consuming my mind for days now, over and over.

I am not, and I have never been a crazed fan for anything. I don’t do those typical things that fans do in order to show love and support.
If it’s a signer involved, I do not make T-shirts with their name on them and put #1 fan. I won’t sleep the night before a concert outside of the arena. I won’t tweet them over a thousand times or even comment on their photos. Even though, I can promise I adore this person, they’re such an inspiration to me and I may even cry- I may even cry for them or for something they’ve said or something that happened but you know, I was never crazy in said senses.
To not go on and on for every profession, I just don’t do certain things.

My love for shows, singers, actors and whatever it may be is very silent and almost unnoticeable. It’s just there and it exists and it just floats in the air in massive amounts. I have a very obsessive personality over things I like and exclusively over things that I like.

Sigh. I am so bummed. Two and a half men is, it, to me. I love the show so passionately, so genuinely and loyally. I was incredibly late to the party. The girl already jumped out of the cake and everyone’s had a piece. Two and a half men, or any show for that matter wasn’t a part of my childhood. Like so many have those significant shows that mark a time of their childhood. Memories of watching that specific show as a little kid, with their family. So many include Friends and other family shows. Not one show marks my childhood. Cartoon Network which is/was a channel on TV marked mine and by the way, drove my mother mad. It’s pretty hilarious. She was absolutely sick of it, it was non stop.

But none the less, it was instant love when I did come across Two and a half men. I am so scared you guys. At the very end of season 11, the last episode basically Alan (Jon Cryer) being dumped and left on his wedding with Gretchen for her ex, leaving him heart broken and confused. At the very end of the episode, Alan and Walden sit down on the couch, along with Walden’s freshly made robot, and they make plans of making a guy’s night every Thursday where they just sit around, chill and talk. And Walden refers to it as Two and a half men’s night. (the half being the robot) I thought that was the end.

Strangely enough, I thought that was the way they wanted to end it, not knowing they were cooking season 12. At that moment, it didn’t strike me hard. I loved that episode and in the moment, I was just happy and positive. It was a great run, I’m glad I got to experience it. And of course, when I heard that season 12 was already aired mind you, and when I opened the first episode up, I was screaming the entire time. I was incredibly happy.

As far as I’m concerned, the show can last forever. There is no way to end a billionaire’s and a mooch’s life story together, until one of them dies. Most likely, it would be Walden. But now I know it’s the end. Now I am aware it’s the final season and that scares me.

I don’t want it to end. I am so in love with this show. I have fallen in love with all of the characters, in the story, even though it had a big big transition after season eight. I feel like it’s a part of my teenage years. It’s not my childhood but to me, it’s just as meaningful. I can’t explain it. I want to meaningfully rant on my love for it and why it is what it is, but I don’t have the words. How do you explain such love for fictional characters and a story that’ll most likely never happen in real life.

The last episode was shot on Friday, and now fans are just awaiting. Man, it would’ve been a dream come true to once experience sitting in the live studio audience and seeing them on set, making mistakes and make the show to what’s it’s become.
It honestly annoys me so bad when people call it just a stupid, meaningless, bachelor show that exploits women and sex. Two and a half men isn’t and never was known for treating things tastefully to an extent, why is it so awful. Fans like me who fall in love and really dig deep into the story and plot, there’s so much more, so many signs and looks that really say a lot without saying a word.

Season 12 is up to it’s 13th episode, which was awesome of course, and the last 3 remain.  I feel like so many people would describe their ending of Friends. Friends was a show that was aired before I was born and ended when I was 6. People born in the mid 90′ probably felt like a big ongoing part of their childhood is ending, and I feel like, something wonderful I love that always made me happy is going to end.

It sounds so dramatic, I know it’s a show but I’m sad alright? I think it’s not that weird. People cry over their singing idol’s new haircut. I’m sad over something that makes me genuinely happy is ending. I already have all 12 seasons I think on every single device I have in my house. I can always come back and I do. I play Two and a half men and do my thing and enjoy their voices in the background. But I know that pretty soon I won’t be able to stock up on more and more of that joy. Pretty soon it’ll stop and I’ll have 12 seasons and 262 episodes to look back too-which is marvelous, but why not 462?

Yeah I know. It would bore many people. Everyone has to have an ending. If Harry Potter went on forever, people would lose interest. But it’s my show. It wouldn’t bore me. Don’t I count for something? No? Okay…

Selena Gomez.

I thought I promised myself I would stop getting involved in the shallow, trendy, Hollywood crap I always end up seeing, at least 25 times an hour. I say Hollywood crap because I’ve had my full of some specific (mostly Hollywood. If not they move there) singers that I have lost respect for or just can’t stand to listen to. So instead of giving everyone the pleasure of telling me, ”If you don’t like her/him, why are you following her/his news and responding!?”, which I say so myself at times, I just enhance that statement AND STAY out of it as much as I can.
But, it’s inevitable sometimes. Especially when the news is about someone who you rather like.

I came across an article about an alleged emotional break down Selena Gomez had at her best friend’s, Taylor Swift’s, birthday party. Selena was allegedly crying in the corner over Justin. I am saying alleged because I think it’s fresh news. The article touched a nerve, obviously. Not because Selena did this, but because of the comments the publisher left in the article.

Everyone is aware of Jelena and their multiple break up’s and make up’s and heart breaking songs of one another. I completely understand that Selena is a celebrity and her life for the most part isn’t private at all. I understand she has fans she needs to be devoted to, a career to look after and a reputation to maintain. Okay? We all get that. But:

Selena, I think I speak for all of humanity when I say: GET OVER IT.” –
I think I speak for all of humanity when I say: GET OVER IT.

I don’t care how sick you are of hearing about her and Justin, I don’t care how sick you are of seeing her cry over him, I don’t care how sick you are of hearing new songs about him, and I certainly don’t care how sick you are of hearing her talk about him.

I’m sure that if Selena was given the choice, she would’ve choosen for her private life not to be publicised all of the time. Let’s not forget, Justin Bieber himself had an impact on that factor. I am not planning to bash on Justin Bieber, even though I heard he has caused much more damage in all of this than her, but their relationship was and always will be theirs. It’s doesn’t help that all interviwers, literally everyone ASK her about Justin, remind her of everything. We all know she’s suffering, why are you asking her what happened between her and Justin. Remember, you(we) are never entitled to the personal details of one’s life. If you are given any, at least freaking respect them.

I am personally sick of people saying Selena Gomez is emotionally immature for still suffering over a humongous break up with someone she loved and commited herself too. It does not matter that we see all of the bad Justin did and it does not matter that we see he is not right for her. Let her freaking see it. She was the one dating him, having wonderful times with him while they lasted and builded hopes and dreams with this guy.
Yeah, he’s bad for her, he was a jerk towards her, multiple times, what is that telling you? Is that hard to get over?
For some it is, for some it isn’t. People react to things differently.
Breaks up are hard and painful and messy. Harder, more painful and messier for some. Obviously, Selena Gomez is having a very rough time with hers. Let her flipping be.

This blogpost is absolutely messy but I honestly don’t care at the moment. I will care about it as soon as I hit Publish. I’m just letting my fingers write what pops up at the top of my head. I’ll edit it later. 

If she shares her life with the public, being it as it is, it’s bad because there’s a lot more to it than you want to see.
If she withdraws herself from the public and her fans, it’s bad because she’s allegedly dismissing her fans in the process.
Either way, she’s screwed.
If you want to support her, support her through the most difficult times. Telling her she needs to move on, get on with her life, tell her she’s being pathetic and whiny WON’T HELP HER.

Just because she knows he isn’t right for her anymore, doesn’t mean she’ll stop loving him. If anything, that’s what makes it harder. There’s still so many memories, so many good memories, so many hopes and dreams crushed. She knows it’s not good for her to go back, but as she said,  the heart wants what it wants. Let her grief over it for as long as she needs to. It’s not even a matter of how much someone hurt you, it’s how much you loved them through all of it. 
I do get worried for her myself, fearing she’ll stumble upon alcohol and other dangerous outcoms that may exacerbate her condition but as long as she’s getting the help she needs, let the girl take her own time.
If you want someone who apparently decided she’s never making a frown, unless it’s on stage to show how ”fierce” she is, go to Demi Lovato and enjoy yourself.

Have some understanding, for as she is just another freaking person going through a very bad break up. You’re not making it any easier and all of the social pressures won’t speed the healing process.

Effuse Your Brain

All of us here have access to this book with over a trillion pages called “the Internet”, and a big percentage of people use it, but not for that many useful things. I for one, am obsessed with information and finding out new interesting things about my interests. And a lot of loopy and stupid shit.
Sure, one of those things is YouTube and that’s a very useful tool as well. That’s good.

I for one, absolutely love watching channels like Good Mythical Morning (GMM) & Dean Leysen. They’re different types of channels absolutely but they are so informative and interesting and you get to learn something new every single time you watch a video. And a new word if your vocabulary needs a little bit of work. This is not a regular post, I just want to share with you guys the channels and say, I absolutely love and hate the sea world.

I love all animals. From kitties,mice and rabbits to crocodiles and squids. But they just scare me you know? Sea world in general is magical and astonishingy beautiful, but down in the deepest depths of the oceans,there are some seriously scary creatures & beasts. Not nice things. They won’t serve you cookies and tea.

I love learning new things about our world and it’s always fascinating. Like, did you know that some plants in Hawaii are actually alive? You touch them and they move in different directions. I know this is quite stupid of me ’cause I don’t know the name but I know it’s true. And we say plans don’t feel. When you think about it, it’s a living thing.

Basically, I want to share with you a few videos that fascinate but gross me at the same time but are a good example as to what I am talking about.
Dean does/did tons of videos like ”10 more random but interesting facts that most people don’t know”.
Rhett and Link tend to be more random but still give you a huge insight about our society and prove there are all kinds of people,who use all kinds of stuff. Believe me, you’ll learn something new.

5 Real-Life Mythical Beasts – GMM .
5 Scariest Mental Conditions – Dean.
5 Biggest Insects In The World – Dean.

Just spreading love and knowledge.

Things That Make Me Happy

I know that people say happiness comes in small measures. Which is true! The small things matter the most and leave lasting emotions.

But I fear that what my list will consist off will not be such small, simple things. I didn’t actually think this through or plan it, so I’m just going with the post and the tips of my fingers.
And imagine, chocolate is not one of them. Oh my goodness gracionious.

  • My kitties. Animals in general really. They make me way too happy and I am never lonely with them near me. I look at them and obeserve them, how they walk, how they move, their level of curiousity is astonishing. They are so cute and cuddly and they purr so nicely, it’s heaven on earth.
  • Piles of books. Oh my gosh! I think most of us judge books by their covers. The prettier, fancier and more glittery it looks, even if the title is something that does not interest you at all, I’m sure you all crave it. Or at least roll it around in your hands, thinking how great it would be if you sat down and actually read a freaking book. I always do when I’m in a dry streak.
    I always imagine my perfect moment I described once, on a cold winters day, sitting in my little office with hot tea or hot chocolate and I’m cozied up in my big chair with big shelfs and book cases FILLED with books.
    Belle’s library! In the castle! I know all bookworms thought, ”I want that in my house”. It makes me happy to see. It makes me appreciate books more and knowledge. If there’s any way you can learn something, it’s through books.
  • Buying notebooks, lots of notebooks, pencils, pens, markers, erasers, sharpenders, check books, daybooks. Supplies. I have no idea why but it has a shine to it like big piles of books. I just love having nice, big notebooks around. I try not to use them for rubbish ’cause many we’re thrown out due to my poor usage of them. Such a shame. But I’ve improved and since my writing in them got a lot more frequent, they’re certainly filled up. I feel like a ton of pens and fun colored markers all put in one of those containers makes a desk look that much more cool and it inspires me.
    Actually yes, I realized that right now. It inspires me. That’s what I’m aiming for with my (possibly, hopefully) future office. I want to feel inspired when I walk through the door. When I see notebooks and pens, my mind instatly goes ”Hm, so beautiful. I wanna write… What should I write about”, and tons of ideas flutter around my head like stars or birds.
  • Vanilla ice cream. Not chocolate, vanilla. It’s a sweet taste of heaven itself.
  • Those late night, nicely arguemented discussions about something I and that person feel passionate about. Those brain-teasers and food for thought discussions where there’s no true end. The discussion can go on forever because we have so many things to say and as time flies more and more thoughts and opinions build up and it’s just a wonderful time! These are exceptional talks because you don’t have the privilege of having them with  just anyone. It takes two understanding, wise and open-minded souls to listen & actually try to absorb what the person is suggesting and maybe let it grow.
  • Glass figures. They’re rich and beautiful. Oh… I just got an idea for a seperate shelf for my house in the future. Heheheh. Now I’m excited. Maybe not an entire shelf, but here and there, you know? To brighten up the place. I don’t like  chandeliers thou. They scare me. I feel like they’re going to fall over me any flipping second. Plus if you’ve watched the movie War Of The Roses, those two started with a chandelier life and died on a chandelier. It’s scary stuff. Such a morbid film really.
    Look at this little bundle of beauty.

    Have you noticed how everything in my life somehow revolves around cats and 65% of the time, all of my examples are cat related. It’s concerning.

That’s all I can really come up with off the top of my head. There’s a million more smaller and simpler things than this. A shinning, live day makes me happy. When I walk out and I feel free and breath in the fresh air. Good energy, positivity. Best way to start a day off, I’m sure. I could go into detail and I probably should’ve but it would be trying too hard in my case.

I wish I truly believed in everything I constantly say to people about positivity and happiness. That famous quote:

Even though I can’t practice these particular thoughts on myself, I want you guys to be happy and embrace even the smallest things that make you happy. Make them happen more often.
I guess happiness is a choice? Choose to be happy and LAUGH/smile more.
If there’s one thing I love and believe truly helps, it’s laughter.

You’re the most beautiful when you smile. 🙂