The Versatile Blogger Award

versatilebloggeraward

I was extremely shocked when I read that I was nominated for this, because I certainly don’t deserve any type of award right now. But thanks to the awesome Curious Queendom, I have been nominated and a huge thanks I might add, she made my day brighter.

I don’t know much of her blog, she isn’t someone I actually followed but right after I finish this post, I’ll get myself to checking out everything!

As any award, there are rules you follow and you name them first:
❄ Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog
❄Nominate at least 15 blogs of your choice, if you can.
❄ Link your nominees and let them know of your nomination.
❄ Share 7 facts about yourself

Now, I won’t be able to nominate 15 bloggers, I apologize for that truly, but as Curious Queendom stated in her post regarding the award, I’m still trying to catch up to everything and everyone and get back in the game. I saw some bloggers have deleted their blogs that I would normally nominate, while I was away so I still need to scout around. I’ll leave this blog award for anyone that reads and is a “fan” of my content and wishes to state 7 facts about themselves. Just let me know if you do end up accepting it!

The 7 facts about me are:

I am not a fan of the cold. I don’t like winter and gloomy, gray weather. Every year I struggle with mood changes as soon as winter comes knocking and it makes me more sad and less positive about anything I do. I like snow, I love when snowflakes fall and turn my city into a white wonderland, but if only they were warm.

I never wear nor need foundation. Not particularly something I am proud off exactly, but I am fortunate enough not too need to wear it ever. I have amazing, clear skin, and I hardly ever ever break out. I don’t ever really wear make up at all, 85% I’m without it, but if I do, I make my eyes pop out with mascara and an eye pencil and you can hardly tell I am not wearing any coverage on my face.

I love acrylic nails. I just do. I have them done right now, have an appointment to do them again next weekend.

I am terrible at saving money. I am not frugal. As long as I have money, I would spend it. I’m sure this will change when I start earning my own money, but the good thing is people around me are good at it. I leave my money with them.

My worst fear is getting ill. Getting  deadly ill, being sick, diseases, hospitals, surgeries. Fever and cough, sure. Anything else? No.

I absolutely love the Agatha Cristie’s Poirot series, all of the episodes. I love Poirot, I love her books.

Last but not least, I’m afraid of all bugs. All, bugs. Lady bugs are not cute bugs, they’re bugs. They have pretty wings and they poop and then die. Up close they’re hairy bugs.

Thank you for reading! ❤

 

 

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I Have To Be Honest

My last real post was way way way back in February, when it was the very beginning of the year 2015, now it’s December and it’s ending. Starting everything and never finishing a thing is one of my biggest character flaws that I have. I am way too ambitious in my mind, but I am way too lazy or get way too distracted with other things to finish anything. I need to watch that when I look for a partner in life, because he can’t have that same quality.

The week before this one, I got into contact with one of my very old friends I have known for five years now, once again after awhile of not talking. She has made a blog of her own on wordpress and it got me thinking and actually remembering I have my own blog. I know, that sounds so freaking terrible but this is quite possibly the most honest post I’ll post on here.

I felt terrible after the realization, for a few reasons.
It reminded me of my previously said flaw and it got me so angry at myself. Why did I start once again all over, and what’s worse, why did I leave such a great thing that was developing, everything was going great with the blog? I know why, but why did I even have to start if I wasn’t going to take it 100% serious. I’m so mad.
The bigger and more important reason (for me) is that this blog was almost a gift. In my very first post on this blog Fresh New Start I mention a name, a friend of mine, a very dear friend who actually made this blog come to life. As I said in the post, I was feeling so inspired, so ready, so on board, so passionate about writing again and he actually made the passion and happiness even greater. He actually paid for my theme on this blog, because my theme was not free. He paid a good chunk of money to make my blog what I wanted it to be and I feel like I, made a mockery of it. Not intentionally of course, but I feel like I even owe it to him to continue blogging.

That’s not entirely why I am writing this post. I am writing it because once again, I want to blog and I want to write. I have done so much writing the past 10 months, but I feel angry I didn’t use my blog to express myself like I wanted too. I have so much to share all of a sudden, but blogging should be done right. It should be taken seriously if you want to attract readers and make them stay and be interested in your content, which I did not fulfill in the last couple of months of my blogging time.

But I wasn’t doing what I originally thought I was going too. Around December 2014 and January 2015, my life got very complicated, messy and I didn’t know how to handle my own feelings about it all and what I should do. I think I mentioned it and wrote about it in a few blogposts, I can’t even remember anymore.  I had to hide things from my life that I desperately wanted to share. That’s part of blogging, writing about your griefs, sorrows, sharing your happiness, your sadness, experiences, thoughts, giving tips, offering help and so many other things.
But I couldn’t share my own sadness. There were certain things I wasn’t comfortable the world reading and certain people couldn’t read certain content I would share. It would make things even more messy. I got caught up in drama and mistakes I made myself and it wasn’t sharable. It became frustrating, to have to think about what I am exactly saying word per word so that I don’t say saying I shouldn’t and to me, it wasn’t at all genuine. I felt bad. I felt it wasn’t fair to anyone who read my content. Be it the few people who visited my blog regularly or someone who just popped in to say hi.

I figured not blogging at all is easier, I just don’t have to deal with the pressure. But after awhile, it became horrible because taking a pause from my blog was taking a pause from WordPress itself. There were, and still are blogs I gladly read with a smile on my face, but I couldn’t keep up with their content anymore. I wasn’t checking in frequently enough. So even that phase of just checking and reading, just to feel in contact and in line with their lives and stories ended.

It may be horrible. It may be childish to anyone who reads this blogpost. I know It’s my fault, I know that I was frivolous with all of it but I feel bad.

I’m still in a place where I can’t share all parts of my life and I still don’t want to hide anything. I didn’t lie about a single thing in my blogposts, rather just never talked about it. I feel awful, and I want to continue blogging, but I don’t want to make any type of promise or even publish this blogpost saying that I will write, contionuously. I may break it.

I’m in a pickle. Starting where I left off would slightly be, distasteful, if I can express it that way. Starting all over again is out of the question.
What do I do?