Don’t Run Away From Your Problems, Solve Them.

I spent the morning crying. For the past five days I have really enlarged my “quote wall” I talked about a long time ago on here. I felt like I needed it and even though I don’t necessarily like these types of quotes, this one speaks out to me because it sinks courage into me. It’s real.

Just because you ran away from your problem, doesn’t mean the problem is gone. It’s still there, waiting. You’ve just distanced yourself from it. Eventually it’ll catch up to bite you in the reer, because it was left unresolved. Basically like F’s and bad grades in school. It’s something I’m trying to follow to ease my head.

Along with my all time favorite quote;

It’s not my definite favorite but it’s definitely in the top five. I need this as a framed picture in my house. I am a very compassionate person that tries to satisfy everyone that matter to me, even if it means letting myself go for a little while. It goes out of hand, but some people are worth it. Sometimes it get’s confusing and in all honestly tiering, but I have a big conscience that makes everything harder and more painful.

These two together, they kind of crash heads, but I need them in my head 24/7 in order to make decisions. To be brave enough to do something I am afraid too, yet to think wisely about what that truly is and what is the true problem at hand.
Because they need to resolved

I’m thinking it over…

Wonder Of My Worlds


I used to need to bite my tongue from addressing these things but now it just comes natural to me. I notice everything, I’m self aware. I notice when there’s silence in places that were never quiet before. I notice the comments people make or how things are worded. I notice people’s behaviours towards me when their feelings (both good or bad) change towards me. I notice everything, I’ll never not notice. I also notice that not everything is worth addressing and more likely than not, it’s better to keep your observations to yourself and step back where you need to. Nothing should feel or be forced, it isn’t organic that way. xx

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Feelings Suck.

I love this so much. I can relate to it in every possible sense but at the moment it is hurting me to even think about it.

All those thoughts and hopes I talked about in very late 2014/very early 2015 just might shatter and be left to nothing. My year has definitely not been going the way it was planned. I can’t say it’s been worse, but nothing good I was hoping for happened either. And it’s been killing me the past few weeks.

I’m at that point in a relationship with someone (not a romantic relationship, but a relation with romantic feelings) where I’m thinking about the well being of that person 90% more than the well being of myself. I don’t want to think about me, I want to think about him and what’s best for him. I’m at that point where I’m realizing that everything I have experienced with this person, and all the love I feel for him and have felt throughout these past 3 years is enough for me to hold onto as a memory if the day should come I need to let go completely. And I feel like that day is approaching very fast.
I’m at that point where you love someone way too much to keep them for your own selfish reasons if staying isn’t doing any good for them and whereyou actually feel you could accept it, for the possible well being of that person.

He’s very far away from me and that distance means nothing to us, compared to how we feel in our hearts. Sadly, the distance means very much to our seperate lives that keep going seperate ways. It’s breaking my heart because it is not a black and white situation. Nor are we throwing in the towel at the first bump. The struggle’s have been going on for the past year and a half and it’s becoming extremely hard for him. Not because we are impatient or just don’t want to hurt anymore, but because it’s becoming impossible to maintain anything with the schedule’s he has that he by the way hates.

Nothing’s been said yet exclusively, but I feel it coming. It’s that feeling when you know, but you avoid actually saying it our loud. You delay the pain of saying it out loud. No decision has been made so far, but with any, I know that what I feel is strong enough to let myself be happy as long as he’s happy. Damn, that is so hard to say. It’s so hard to comprihend. Should a ”split up” happen, I know that it can’t in any way be better than where we are now, but we’re both thinking for the long run. Some things are just becoming neccessary and important but undoable with us still standing in this one spot. More for him than for me but it’s enough.

I cried every day the past week, thinking it over and over and if we’ll make a mistake by pulling the final straw. I don’t like to listen to things like ”There will always be another guy”, ”Life is trial and error”, ”Some things are just not meant to last”, ”Not all the people in your life are meant to stay”. No. I don’t want none of that from my friends.

I don’t know what I want to hear but it’s not that. That’s a crock off b/ icing on an already over-flowing cake. No one needs to hear that while going through it. I want to listen to sad songs I can relate too while I stuff vanilla ice cream down my throat and appreciate everything that has happened and that I got to experience something like I had, but still cry because that person meant too much. And I want hugs. That’s it.

Now I’ll go, before I start crying again. I would never wish a heart like mine upon someone, not in this state. It’s horrible. I wish that upon no one. The future that we hold is so unclear…

The Truth

Animal quotes 0005

YES. This is so hard for some people to accept and I can kind off understand why. I don’t justify it, I just understand it.

I know that I tend to get on edge when people try to convince me that some animal is better than another, like why dogs are better than cats. I don’t like to be told that, especially by someone that never had a cat or a dog in his home and never experienced having any kind of pet. I like normal civilized conversations about anything animal related but I don’t like when someone intentionally comes at me with the intention of trying to lecture me why his dog wil always be better than my cat. I do get defensive at that point. And many people don’t understand that I don’t disagree with any exlusive dog lover.

Dogs are more loyal by nature and heart, they would die for their master, they’re more obedient unlike cats.
Cats ARE loyal to an extent, but a cat never needs you to survive, where as a dog, if attached, would die waiting for his master to give him food. Cats usually get attached to the home, like rats. If you have a nice comfortable home, she’ll be staying. And you can’t train a cat. If you try, it’ll be 1-0 for the cat.

Unless you have a specific breed of cat like a Savannah that is a hybrid. Now this is my dream cat to have. Savannah cats are a hybrid between a serval cat that is 100% a wild cat and a domestic cat and they think like dogs. I think they all have cheetah spots and grow to have really long legs and really big ears and they are overall big cats when they grow up. They can jump up to 5 feet. Most love water, can be trained to poop and pee in the toilet, they can be walked on a leash and they know how to swim. And of course they’re extremely loyal and beautiful.

But honestly, it’s what I love most about cats. It’s exactly because they are the way they are. If you look at it realistically, a cat is a reflection off you. Very rarely do you find an animal so close to human characteristics as a cat is. What I love and respect when it comes to a cat is that they, in most cases, demand for you to earn their respect first, and show them why should they love you. They don’t need you for food per say, they don’t need you to survive, you need to show them you are worthy of their love and attention. To many, this sounds very, selfish I’m guessing? Many don’t feel like an animal so much smaller is worth the time and effort, feeling they’re superior, but someone who thinks like that shouldn’t own a cat. They’re right, they shouldn’t even try.

Many say that once you feed a cat and give it a place to sleep, they’ll mind their own business like you don’t exist, but that person doesn’t know what he or she is talking about. Come to my house once and you’ll see just how gentle and cuddly they can be, especially on a full stomach. With the right amount of time and effort and patience, cats love you more than you know.

I got off track but like the picture says, a cat stays with a genuinely good man. If a cat hisses at you for no apparent reason, you might want to re-think you conscience. 

A Realization And A Confession.

It’ll be long, I’m so sorry. But try.

I wanna share something with you guys. A flaw of mine that doesn’t truly show unless I speak out on it. Now bear with me that I am awfully bad at explaining what I am feeling. Probably shouldn’t have started a blog with that being an itch, but what are you gonna do. I still like to try.

People change and that’s, for the most part a good thing. We can’t stay the same forever. And people change their mind about certain people, certain things, certain views, certain choices, what is right and what is wrong. 

People dislike other people. (No kidding.) We feel annoyed with some individuals, they don’t suit us and we don’t like them in our presence and therefore, we are bound to immediately dislike something that they have done or said, even though we don’t necessarily speak out against it when it’s done by another person’s hand. Come on, we all do this at least with one person in our life. 
We don’t care if what they said or did is completely fine or innocent, the fact that it’s that person, it’s just annoying as hell. 

People like other people. (Wow. Ground breaking stuff here.) Be it your normal average neighbor or your female/male celebrity idol. We learn from them, we look up to them, we respect them, we like them as a person, we applaud them because they most likely have a similar character or an opinion to ours and we like it and every nice thing you can think off.

People who above all want and value justice.  

Now combine these three. Try to combine these three emotions and one factoid and address it to one person, and please come up with a name for the new made emotion you are feeling. Because I don’t know what it is.

Let me make this a little bit clearer if I can. I have this, I’m guessing it’s a flaw of mine. It’s not a sign of maturity or immaturity, it’s how I am and how I’ve always been. I like to think I am a righteous person. I definitely hate and despise injustice in any shape of form. In many cases it’s invincible but if it’s vincible, I would love to conquer.
I’ll give a really basic and teenager-like example (but it stands for every bit of injustice you can think off);
You have the courage to open your mouth and judge that girl that is known to be promiscuous and a little bit more outgoing, friendly and camera-friendly on Facebook, you leave hate comments saying how it’s distasteful and judge every decision she’s ever made and interfere in her life that you know 5% about. Okay. 

You do something that you thought was going to be fun, and it ended up having a lot of hate, like the IceBucket Challenge that so many people used and abused. Even though the cause got a lot of publicity from it, but nonetheless. It got a lot of hate and you decide to post a status with the following: 
”When are people gonna stop meddling into other people’s lives?! Leave me alone and grow up, mind your own business. I do what I want, and you shouldn’t care! Grow up and mature up, it’s MY LIFE”. 

You don’t say? Now you’re smart and mature enough to realize everybody lives their own lives and makes their own decisions. Sometimes bad, sometimes good, but you do it. When it’s you, damn. But when it’s her, what?
What she is doing is REALLY distasteful, unlike you? Why do you care? ”You shouldn’t care, grow up and mature up, it’s HER LIFE”. No?

I think you get the point. But this is where my confession and realization comes in. This is where my post “Calm the F down with your confidence” comes in.

While I ”live” for justice, I live disliking overcompensated confidence and proudness, but as well as unnecessary hate towards people and their appearance and decisions. In my case, this is oh so more complicated and messy than it really is.

I gave up on trying to explain exactly how I am feeling, so let me try to show you through another example

This is where I get nervous.
I used to love Taylor Swift. (doesn’t have to be famous) I thought she was beautiful, talented and just over all good and nice. Like many celebrities, they all need to change, grow and mature, they’re human beings just like us. They do it in their own pace and that’s fine.
She changed and for the most part, I didn’t like it. To me, Taylor Swift is way too too too. Everything she does, in my eyes it looks so, pretentious. I think it has something to do with my previous post. To me, she is someone that can’t take a joke, she looks as if she is way too proud and every look of her’s, I get the vibe that she is looking everyone from above. To me, her ‘niceness’ is definitely overcompensating for something. I ended up disliking her very much.

That covers first, people change. 

While I do dislike her and yet I am a strong believer in the ability to keep your mouth shut even though you don’t like something on someone. But because it’s her and because I feel this way about her, everything she says and does- even though Selena Gomez could say and do the exact same thing I would be fine with it- something about it is covered up. That’s how I feel at least. And because she does annoy me and irritate me, I get that hypocritical urge and just splat out what I am saying even though I know it’s completely immature and irrational because it doesn’t have to be anything.

BUT! Even disliking the person, a comment such as “She’s fat ugly and stupid, she gained a little weight and now looks hideous”, will make me defend her. The comment is universally bad and would be mean to be said to anyone.

That’s disliking people.

The line between hate and love is thin. It goes from hate to love and love to hate. Like in so many cases, pretentious confidence usually get’s shattered when something heart breaking happens. I think Selena Gomez passed this very stage, with and after Justin. At that point, this very selfish side of me is almost glad because I proved my point that was in my head. And I’m happy about it for a second. Usually this is where people make changes and suddenly sympathize with everything and everyone. (This’ll never happen with Taylor I bet you everything). That annoys me at times but if I like it and if I agree with it, I have no problem standing up for it.

This is bad. To me, this is not a very good thing. Then, because this someone made this tiny transition that I AGREE with I have this click in my mind to defend this person if someone else feel’s like offending the transition.

Are you starting to see what I mean? Big respect if you’ve made it this far.
Now that I have wrote it like this, I feel hopeful that many other people go through this, but rarely who actually writes it down or admits it. It’s rather selfish, yet caring and considerate at the same time.

I don’t like someone for something that I think is a good reason, and something shatters that segment, it’s almost like they’ve learned their lesson and now I’m fine with it and only now can I defend that person. She seems a bit brighter in my eyes and only then can I give honest respect for something they do, even if it means bouncing back a little bit.

Am I making this out to be a bigger ”issue” than it is? It’s just interesting and it’s been on my mind. I’m nervous to actually hit PUBLISH but everyone has bugs in their undies. Right?

Calm The F Down With Your Confidence.

I am about to sound like such an asshole, but I am so done. I am so done with a big percentage of my gender.

First of all, I am sick and I am pissed because I am sick. I have been sick almost non stop for the past two months. It’s not even being sick, it’s having a goddamn mild cold that leaves you nowhere. You don’t have a high fever, you’re not throwing up, your stomach or anything internal is not hurting,you’re just coughing, sneezing, having sore throats, feeling weak and hopeless because you’re not right or left. You’re somewhere in the middle and you keep going back and forth.

On top of that, I really don’t need what I have been given. I feel like I have to put a disclaimer everytime III specifically write a blogpost. I am not trying to make a nice, educational blogpost, I am just annoyed as hell.

I have nothing against people being happy and feeling confident with what they’re doing with their life, how they’re doing it, on their looks, behaviour, whatever it may be. You do you, that’s great. But people, there is such a thing as being too confident. There is such a thing as thinking way too highly of yourself. And there is such a thing called being an asshole when you think you are just littering your confidence out into the world. I don’t stand this and I don’t respect it.

There’s a fine line between being self-centered and pretentious and confident.
I have this problem with so many people in real life and it is disturbingly frequent online and with female artists of any kind. I am that person that will dwell on the fact that some idiot said something I exclusively hate and bitch about how and why I disagree with it. Unfortunately for me, it happens way more often than I would prefer it. But also fortunately, I can’t and wouldn’t want to keep track of it all, I’d go insane.

When it happens I can explain exactly what I mean.

When someone feels the need to compare themselves to other’s in order to make a point that they are better in a certain aspect, or even directly need to state that the other individual’s trate is bad, is not CONFIDENCE.
Nor are you confident for being able to say that publicly without fear- because you allegedly have no fear,it’s who you are-, nor are you confident because You beautified Yourself by making someone seem less beautiful than you.

Posting a picture on a social media, posting a picture of your-oh let’s say, gym/workout progress, that seems to be a thing. Posting a picture of you trying to pull off a Kim Kardashian reer while you bend over a work out bar with full make up on, making a kissy face, i’m sorry, but that ALSO bugs the buggers out of me.

I strongly respect and appreciate people who- like Selena Gomez that do not have to ehance the fact that they are confident and that they love their body and that they love life and that life is glorious and… *breathes*. She just does it. She dresses like she doesn’t mind her curves, she put’s her hair up like she doesn’t mind her seemingly bigger ears, she doesn’t even draw attention to it even when people make comments.

It sounds so wrong and so selfish, because I do agree people should love their body, should embrace it, should embrace their flaws, should be happy, but just like I don’t like people ranting on motivational and inspirational quotes about life and how it’s glorious and how it’s an adventure, I don’t like people overcompensating their looks so they come as confident.

It is overcompensating if you need to grind on the fact that you ‘have an amazing smile even if i have uneven teeth. Suck it haters. #HatersGonnaHate #Spread Love’. Really?

I believe that someone who is truly confident in the most amazing of ways, someone who believes in what they say and what they do and how they do it, they don’t need to justify it or show it off or even mention it. They do it. I respect that. I really do. You didn’t say a thing, but something to learn from is said when you do speak. That’s amazing to me.

It’s perfectly okay to think you’re different, that you stand out, that you have traits you find special and nice. Be different, stand out, embrace those traits you think are special, keep them. Just do it. It shines through.

Confidence comes in so many packages. Confidence when it comes to apperance, physical appeareace, in acts of character, parenthood, certain decision in certain things LIKE parenthood. Almost all of those are different things.

I do understand that celebrities need to sometimes be motivational and inspirational to their fans, but I guess It’s just me that I try to avoid those types of ”speeches”. I find motivation and inspiration in every day acts. Just do what you do, don’t grind on the fact you actually do it and why you do it.

I’ve gotten many comments that my way of appoaching these types of topics are very odd, but it’s how it is. Very complicated, yet very simple. Everything has a line that can be crossed, everything has a limit. Even confidence.

The Upcoming End of Two And A Half Men. (Rant Alert)

Can you even formulate it like that? Upcoming end? I think you can, sounds almost right. Sigh. I am a little nervous at the moment. Actually I’m very nervous. One thought is consuming my mind for days now, over and over.

I am not, and I have never been a crazed fan for anything. I don’t do those typical things that fans do in order to show love and support.
If it’s a signer involved, I do not make T-shirts with their name on them and put #1 fan. I won’t sleep the night before a concert outside of the arena. I won’t tweet them over a thousand times or even comment on their photos. Even though, I can promise I adore this person, they’re such an inspiration to me and I may even cry- I may even cry for them or for something they’ve said or something that happened but you know, I was never crazy in said senses.
To not go on and on for every profession, I just don’t do certain things.

My love for shows, singers, actors and whatever it may be is very silent and almost unnoticeable. It’s just there and it exists and it just floats in the air in massive amounts. I have a very obsessive personality over things I like and exclusively over things that I like.

Sigh. I am so bummed. Two and a half men is, it, to me. I love the show so passionately, so genuinely and loyally. I was incredibly late to the party. The girl already jumped out of the cake and everyone’s had a piece. Two and a half men, or any show for that matter wasn’t a part of my childhood. Like so many have those significant shows that mark a time of their childhood. Memories of watching that specific show as a little kid, with their family. So many include Friends and other family shows. Not one show marks my childhood. Cartoon Network which is/was a channel on TV marked mine and by the way, drove my mother mad. It’s pretty hilarious. She was absolutely sick of it, it was non stop.

But none the less, it was instant love when I did come across Two and a half men. I am so scared you guys. At the very end of season 11, the last episode basically Alan (Jon Cryer) being dumped and left on his wedding with Gretchen for her ex, leaving him heart broken and confused. At the very end of the episode, Alan and Walden sit down on the couch, along with Walden’s freshly made robot, and they make plans of making a guy’s night every Thursday where they just sit around, chill and talk. And Walden refers to it as Two and a half men’s night. (the half being the robot) I thought that was the end.

Strangely enough, I thought that was the way they wanted to end it, not knowing they were cooking season 12. At that moment, it didn’t strike me hard. I loved that episode and in the moment, I was just happy and positive. It was a great run, I’m glad I got to experience it. And of course, when I heard that season 12 was already aired mind you, and when I opened the first episode up, I was screaming the entire time. I was incredibly happy.

As far as I’m concerned, the show can last forever. There is no way to end a billionaire’s and a mooch’s life story together, until one of them dies. Most likely, it would be Walden. But now I know it’s the end. Now I am aware it’s the final season and that scares me.

I don’t want it to end. I am so in love with this show. I have fallen in love with all of the characters, in the story, even though it had a big big transition after season eight. I feel like it’s a part of my teenage years. It’s not my childhood but to me, it’s just as meaningful. I can’t explain it. I want to meaningfully rant on my love for it and why it is what it is, but I don’t have the words. How do you explain such love for fictional characters and a story that’ll most likely never happen in real life.

The last episode was shot on Friday, and now fans are just awaiting. Man, it would’ve been a dream come true to once experience sitting in the live studio audience and seeing them on set, making mistakes and make the show to what’s it’s become.
It honestly annoys me so bad when people call it just a stupid, meaningless, bachelor show that exploits women and sex. Two and a half men isn’t and never was known for treating things tastefully to an extent, why is it so awful. Fans like me who fall in love and really dig deep into the story and plot, there’s so much more, so many signs and looks that really say a lot without saying a word.

Season 12 is up to it’s 13th episode, which was awesome of course, and the last 3 remain.  I feel like so many people would describe their ending of Friends. Friends was a show that was aired before I was born and ended when I was 6. People born in the mid 90′ probably felt like a big ongoing part of their childhood is ending, and I feel like, something wonderful I love that always made me happy is going to end.

It sounds so dramatic, I know it’s a show but I’m sad alright? I think it’s not that weird. People cry over their singing idol’s new haircut. I’m sad over something that makes me genuinely happy is ending. I already have all 12 seasons I think on every single device I have in my house. I can always come back and I do. I play Two and a half men and do my thing and enjoy their voices in the background. But I know that pretty soon I won’t be able to stock up on more and more of that joy. Pretty soon it’ll stop and I’ll have 12 seasons and 262 episodes to look back too-which is marvelous, but why not 462?

Yeah I know. It would bore many people. Everyone has to have an ending. If Harry Potter went on forever, people would lose interest. But it’s my show. It wouldn’t bore me. Don’t I count for something? No? Okay…