Analyzing My Life.

I completely realize how serious my title sounds like, but I have no other way to call it. The past few days, I just really wanted to step back and look at myself and my daily routines and future wishes, hopes and dreams. What things I do, how do I do those things, when do I do them and what should be changed. Obviously, I complied a list which isn’t the happiest thought.

I mentioned before that I am very excited for 2015 open it’s doors finally and I can start the year off well. Assuming everything until then goes as planned. That would be such a bummer wouldn’t it, if things didn’t go as planned. I mean, there’s only two and a half weeks left. If something so big can occur, stick a fork in me. Life, keep your shit together for that long. I’m not asking for much. I’ll make it work afterwards.

I am young. I haven’t even started living properly yet, but I am scared of my future. I’m at the point where I’m both scared and excited. I feel like 2015 will bring great things and great joy to my life and great people that will keep my outlooks positive. And I know,as soon as I say that it all goes down the crapper. I am still not at the point of thinking where I’m gonna be after highschool, much less in the long run. I am honestly occupied in getting the smaller things in place. And I mean the really small things.

I have bad habits, I’m lazy and pretty much messy and unorganized. It’s embarassing to admit but there I went. As aformentioned, I am young but I am not going to be getting any younger.  I am old enough to take care of myself in quite a few aspects and take responsiblity for a lot of things. That I do. I have my priorities straight and what comes first and what is right and what is wrong. When to do certain things and when not to do them. Taking responsiblity for my actions. I have all of that in the deepest depths of my mind, somewhere in one of the thousands locked drawers I unlock when I need it. Of course, with a lot of space for improvement and more knowledge.

People around me inspire me to tweek these things, more frequently and more successfuly. I am very observant and I see inspiration in the really really small, almost insignificant things. Like, the way someone holds their pen and writes their words. It’s crazy, but I notice it. And if I like it? Everytime I’ll be writing something, I’ll be thinking how to work that into my own handwriting and motion. It’s pretty ridicilous and sometimes time consuming but I enjoy it.

Kalel has been my, I don’t wanna say inspiration in the past few months, but my, erm, my push, my strive for constant work and my safety net, not to quit. I sound so serious. Like I’m dealing with these enormous problems in my life and I have no idea where to start. Haha, no I promise you it’s not like that. I just want to get all of my thoughts out. Everything that I have written down I feel like needs to be in here as well.

She’s a very, I wanna say unique type of person. At least to me, because I haven’t ”met” many people like her in my life or came across. She’s a big perfectionist and she’s always up for change and each change has to be perfect, or it doesn’t work. I have met perfectionists in my life but her packet, all together I feel like is unique. She has some very nice qualities I admire and a few life routines that I want to pick up on. I’m going with baby steps that’ll seem ridicilous for you guys but in truth, I’ve never been motivated to do anything in my life until about two years ago. It’s the childhood that I had, never left me curious about anything and I had no support behind me.

Don’t laugh at me:

  • Wearing slippers all of the time. In my house, of course. I’m sure that almost every kid, or every parent struggled with making their children wear socks or slippers around the house when it’s cold. My floor is always freezing. Heat comes from feet and up. If your feet are cold, you’ll most likely be cold all over.
    I found a loop hole that works for me. Since I truly hate slippers, they are so inconvenient for me, I bought me these:

    They are SO warm and SO comfortable and they’re always on my feet. Problem solved. It’s a habitation thing.
  • Being more organized. I mentioned in my New Years resolutions post, I need to do this. I really love the idea of writing my to do list for each day, writing down my ideas, getting the habits of making my bed every single morning, arranging my closet etc. Just getting my home, or the parts I use of it together and always organized and in place. I hate being messy, and you’d think that the little space I have would make it easier for me to clean but no. It makes my brain lazier, thinking it’ll always seem stocked up and unorganized. That’ll be changed, mark my words!
  • Eating healthier! I can’t stress how important  this is to me. It’s not even about figure wise. Sure, it has effect on it, my figure and weight can always be better but I feel like I am ruining my body on the inside. Or at least ruined it to a great extent.
    I said that I will stop drinking coke, done it and failed after 3 weeks. I stopped again and I have slips. I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. I don’t want to eat junk food, I don’t want to eat non-cooked food ALL OF THE FLIPPING time. I don’t want to. My father and my lifestyle are difficult for that case, because we do not have that custom. Ever since my mom moved out, we eat whenever, whatever. And it’s mostly either fruit or junk food. I get enough fruit in my body, that I am proud off. Fruits and vegetables, but even that amount can’t over come everything bad I do in the mean time.
    It’s so unhealthy and I hate it. I am using my fast metabolism to the bone, sucking the life out of it and it’ll give up on me. I feel it. That’s why I need routines! I need rules in my life.

    A list in front of me and a stick behind me. 

  • Stop leaving dishes and left over foods everywhere. This is so embarassing. Why am I even adding this. This will bring nothing but eye rolles on that little immature kid who blogs.
    But I do this a lot. I take one glass out, use it, leave it when I’m done. I want another drink, I get another glass, use it, leave it when I’m done. I get a plate, eat my food, leave it on the side of my desk. I eat chips, leave the bag on the side of my desk. And the list goes on…
    It’s such a childish thing and I’m getting better at it by the day.

I realized this is way too long so I’m going to split this! There will be a sequel to this list. There’s a few more things that I need to change and that I need to list. A few, more significant and important things. And just a heads up, to get effecient and not slack on my duties, I already made a list of everything and taped it on my bedroom wall, so I’m reminded every single day.
See, organization.

Now all I need to do is keep going. That’s the hard part.

2 thoughts on “Analyzing My Life.

  1. Keep going 🙂 stay fab

    And gosh, I love slippers! Parenta got me into the habit of wearing them years and years ago – though my brother, on the other hand, is awful at remembering XD

    Liked by 1 person

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