Being Alone On New Year’s

It’s not that sad of a thought as you’d think. I mean it is sad, it’s a special occasion. Actually holiday. Ocassions are like birthdays and all that. But l was alone on New Year’s last year as well. Though that didn’t end well. It ended in me crying so that’s not the best example. I guess it is a sad thing, isn’t it?

But, that’s what you get when you have a douchey scheduled working father like I. For ages he has been working for Christmas and New Years. Very rarely is he free and physically with me. Maybe twice, the year before the last and sometimes, years and years ago. About two to three times in maybe 7 years. I really don’t want to do the math. You’d think that saddens me. That fact that I’m not with my dad on a special holiday like that but that’s not it. I mean it does, it used to sting so bad when I was younger. What bother’s me most of the time is that if I’m not with him, for the past 4 years, I have nowhere else to go.

It’s a 6 year ”tradition” that I spend Christmas with my mother no matter what my dad has planned for both holidays, but she and I never spend New Years together. Simply because, till about 4 years ago, I always spent it with my aunt and little sister who’s one year younger than me and it would be a party. Many people would come that we have known our entire lives. It’s mostly our brother’s friends. We have a very big ‘family’. When life got rough for them in so many ways, parties were not acceptable and not affortable. Throughout that time mom would spend New Years with my grandma, her mom who she lives with, and they’d go to their senior parties and shannagons. Don’t let the sounding of it fool you, they had a blast every time.

But then my mom found a man, her current boyfriend and like so, she is spending yet another year with him. Which is great to be honest, I wouldn’t want to attend either way. That’s just awkward. It’s a romantic holiday for couples. Anyway, my mind’s stirring.

This post is turning out a lot more freely and chill than I expected. I was first doom and gloom about the whole thing but I’ll make the best of it. Seems like I’ll be spending New Year’s eve alone in my house. But that’s okay, i’ll make it a good time.

I say that now and let’s bet I’ll fall asleep right before midnight. Oh my goodness, I hate firecrackers. I just remembered I won’t be able to sleep from those. One of the curses of living in the center of the city, where everyone likes to be and where there are most people during the entire day. Mew. I’m scared of them. It’s not natural for things to blow up. Plus it’s dangerous. And it’s not fun.

Fireworks! Now there’s a thing that’s amusing when it blows. And they are safe, far away from you. They’re different colors and can form different shapes in the air. Now that’s a party!

Anyways, I hope you guys are going to have a lot more fun and exciting night on the 31st than me. Tomorrow winter break is starting for me and ending on the 20th of January. I am so freaking excited! I’ll have time to read a book!

Have a good one!

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The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies

I don’t have time for a long, elaborated post, so Im just going to say, it was absolutely fantastic. One of my favorite movies/trilogies, I absolutely recommend it to people who love fantasy and action. Even if you’re not a fan. You’ll grow fond of it and love it after you watch The Hobbit. Read the book, be swoon over by the brilliance.

It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious.

I’m Grateful For Her

It is currently noon and I just had breakfast. I wanted to say it was a late breakfast but counting down the past weekends and years, it’s really not. But anyhow, it was late considering I woke up at nine and stayed in bed till basically half past eleven. I was talking with my mom throughout all this time, about everything that was on my mind this morning. It’s always so refreshing and wonderful.

It was supposed to be a cuddling session. She cuddled up in bed beside me and I randomly started thinking in flashbacks. Our conversations drift from one subject to another in the most spontaneous way. We mentioned 10 different aspects of our thinking and 10 different examples, yet we’re still on track with what we want to say.
I asked “Mom?”, “Yeah?”, “Elvis Presley died from over doze of drugs right”, “Yes?”, “Would I die instantly if I took the same amount he had at his last breath right now, because I’ve never tried it?”, “Probably, yeah.”.

Why was I asking myself this question, I am not entirely sure. I think I was calculating in my mind what kind of death that must be. Is it fast, painful, slow, in hallucinations and are those people even aware that they’re dying if it’s slow? I came to the conclusion it is fast or a person just doesn’t know it happened. They fall asleep and never get up. Their heart stops, they run cold.
But goodness, I did not start this blog post to talk about death. Nor am I planning any of this. Let me get back to my point.

A conversation that started on the topics of drugs, we drifted to a topic of life. Everything regarding people, their insecurities and how do we end up in the bad times like we do, life, characters and the injustice that exists in the world.
As mom would say, I inherited the same ‘curse’ she has. She has an extremely open mind, it stretches in all directions and she tries to rationalize & understand everything. The world is not black and white for us, there’s fifty shades of gray.

It’s a curse because you don’t find people similar to you very easily. And it’s a rough and bumpy ride to experiment who is and who isn’t. So since not many people can grasp all our thoughts or even understand them, your thoughts are pretty much left to yourself. Me and my mom prefer that sometimes. We don’t feel the need to spat on and on about our opinions to everyone and share ”our wisdom”. If we have sometimes to say, if we think we should, we’ll say it. If there’s no reason, why when ignorance is inevitable and there’s no point in arguing with a unreasonable person.

I finally told her everything that was on my mind and I told her about me becoming cynical. Why I look down on too confident people, why do inspirational happy life related quotes anger me, why I feel like they generalize the entire world, and why I am so easy to dismiss someone out of my life.  As always, she was an amazing listener and an even better responder. As always, she understood me and we started finishing each other’s sentences. She saw deeper meaning in my words and she truly understood what I was saying and what’s even better, she agreed. She and I are completely the same.

I won’t get into the conclusions and all that’s been confirmed in my head, but I will say I am feeling like the luckiest 16 year old in the world. I truly have an amazing mother that I don’t know what I’d do without.
We’ve done this thousands of times but each makes me feel peaceful and like a weight has been lifted. Each makes me feel grateful I have her the way she is.
She’s always been patient with me and what matters absolutely most to me is, not only has she taught me {and herself in the process} too be open with her and not fear her judgment, she kept that promise. I truly can talk to her about Anything, I mean anything. Even the craziest, most embarrassing things you could ask a parent, I have asked her. {with boundaries around everything of course, I know my lines. She is the parent after all}.

People get so freaked out when I tell them about my relationship with my mom. Us two, are completely free and crazy. We have made some ridiculously funny memories and almost all of them are due to our mutual stupidity and silliness. And she says I am the only one she can be that freely with. She’s my mom and my best friend.

No family is perfect, and ours certainly isn’t but us two, we’re pretty damn close as a team. I don’t do grateful posts and I realize not everyone can have a good relationship with their parents due to various reasons, I myself with my father. For years and I’m still struggling.
Exactly why I am grateful to have my mom. She’s my safety net and my biggest push. A beautiful woman with a beautiful heart.

Animal Facts You May Not Know #2

As a notorious, humongous cat lover, obviously I have kept track more so than for other’s, but you just may know these. You still won’t be able to say they’re not fabulous facts! Scroll over #19 if you’re not a cat fan.

  1. Your cat recognizes your voice but just acts too cool to care (Pft, because she is).
  2. Cats are often lactose intolerant so you shouldn’t really give them milk.
  3. Cats make more than 100 sounds whereas dogs make around 10.
  4. Cats and humans have nearly identical sections of the brain that controls emotion.
  5. Cats have a longer-term memory than dogs, especially when they learn by actually doing rather than simply seeing.
  6. It was illegal to slay cats in ancient Egypt.
  7. In the 15th century, Pope Innocent VIII began ordering the killing of cats, pronouncing them demonic. Sick twisted bastard. A human orders death of innocent animals, a Pope no less and we’re superior? Ugh! 
  8. Isaac Newton is credited with inventing the cat door. I actually learned this in Physics class… 
  9. When cats leave their poop uncovered, it is a sign of aggression to let you know they don’t fear you. Which isn’t so much a bad thing. She shouldn’t fear me. 
  10. Cats can change their meow to manipulate a human. They often imitate a human baby when they need food, for example. Yeeeah, lol. 
  11. Hearing is the strongest of cat’s senses: They can hear sounds as high as 64 kHz — compared with humans, who can hear only as high as 20 kHz.
  12. A cat’s nose is ridged with a unique pattern, just like a human fingerprint. This also applies for dogs I believe. Most likely for every animal. 
  13. A cat rubs against people to mark its territory.
  14. Only 11.5% of people consider themselves “cat people.”
  15. ^^ Cat people are also 11% more likely to be introverted. This applies to me but I don’t see the connection between the two… 
  16. Only 24% of cats who enter animal shelters are adopted. And this is sad… Bring them to me dammit! 
  17. Cats are really cool.
  18. Also very soft.
  19. During the Middle Ages, cats were associated with withcraft, and on St. John’s Day, people all over Europe would stuff them into sacks and toss the cats into bonfires…. They should have had their skin peeled off. 
  20. There are around 9,865 species of birds alive today.
  21. There are more than 465 different types of sharks in the world.
  22. Whale sharks are the world’s biggest fish.

  23. Sharks predate the dinosaurs by 200 million years.
  24. Scorpions can hold their breath up to six days.
  25. The goblin shark (monsterous creature) has only been seen around 50 times.
    {inserts disturbing gif here}
  26. A newborn Panda weights as much as a cup of tea. What?!
  27. Gorillas can catch human colds and other illness’s.
  28. The only dog that doesn’t have a pink toe is the chow.
  29. A tarantula spider can survive over two years without food. Oh great, it can starve itself and nothing happens. 
  30. A single elephant tooth can weigh up to 8 or 9 pounds. I’ve read differently in two different places. 
  31. Last but not least, there is a butterfly in Africa with enough poison in it’s body to kill six cats. Don’t you dare come near my babies!

Hope you guys enjoyed!

Animal Facts You May Not Know… #1

One of my favorite subjects in the entire world. Hours and hours of ”research” – late nights on various sites and wikipedia’s – on animals. All kinds of animals, all types of facts… I’m gonna write multiple posts on this. Tell me if you knew most or any of these.

  1. Cats are the most popular pets in the United states. Over 88 million pet cats. (What better way to start it huh)
  2. Turtles can breath through their butts.
  3. A group of cats is called a clowder.
  4. Cats sleep 70% of their life.
  5. Owning a cat can reduce the risk of a stroke and heart attacks.
  6. Gentoo penguins propose to their life mates with pebbles.
  7. In China, killing a Panda is punishable by death.
  8. Spider’s can’t fly. Praise Jesus… 
  9. Puffins mate for life (Just like penguins). They make their homes on cliff sides and set aside room for their toilet. Isn’t it wonderful when someone naturally mates for life. Ah, L’Amour.

  10. Oysters can actually change gender, depending on which is best for mating.
  11. Seahorses mate for life and when they travel, they hold each other’s tails.
  12. Turritopis nutricula – Immortal jellyfish is the only species known to live forever.
  13. Butterflies taste with their teeth. It makes sense when you think about it. 
  14. Squirrels will adopt other baby squirrels if they’re abandonded. Isn’t that absolutely lovely?! 
  15. Ostriches can run faster than horses and the male ostriches can roar like lions.
  16. Kangaroos use their tails for balance.
  17. On average, there are 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas. God, so help me… 
  18. Fleas can jump up to 200 times their height. This is equivalent to a man jumping the Empire State Building.
  19. A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
  20. There are one million ants for every human being on earth. No worries. These creatures never sleep and they don’t have lungs. So help me! I dislike bugs greatly. 

Selena Gomez.

I thought I promised myself I would stop getting involved in the shallow, trendy, Hollywood crap I always end up seeing, at least 25 times an hour. I say Hollywood crap because I’ve had my full of some specific (mostly Hollywood. If not they move there) singers that I have lost respect for or just can’t stand to listen to. So instead of giving everyone the pleasure of telling me, ”If you don’t like her/him, why are you following her/his news and responding!?”, which I say so myself at times, I just enhance that statement AND STAY out of it as much as I can.
But, it’s inevitable sometimes. Especially when the news is about someone who you rather like.

I came across an article about an alleged emotional break down Selena Gomez had at her best friend’s, Taylor Swift’s, birthday party. Selena was allegedly crying in the corner over Justin. I am saying alleged because I think it’s fresh news. The article touched a nerve, obviously. Not because Selena did this, but because of the comments the publisher left in the article.

Everyone is aware of Jelena and their multiple break up’s and make up’s and heart breaking songs of one another. I completely understand that Selena is a celebrity and her life for the most part isn’t private at all. I understand she has fans she needs to be devoted to, a career to look after and a reputation to maintain. Okay? We all get that. But:

Selena, I think I speak for all of humanity when I say: GET OVER IT.” –
I think I speak for all of humanity when I say: GET OVER IT.

I don’t care how sick you are of hearing about her and Justin, I don’t care how sick you are of seeing her cry over him, I don’t care how sick you are of hearing new songs about him, and I certainly don’t care how sick you are of hearing her talk about him.

I’m sure that if Selena was given the choice, she would’ve choosen for her private life not to be publicised all of the time. Let’s not forget, Justin Bieber himself had an impact on that factor. I am not planning to bash on Justin Bieber, even though I heard he has caused much more damage in all of this than her, but their relationship was and always will be theirs. It’s doesn’t help that all interviwers, literally everyone ASK her about Justin, remind her of everything. We all know she’s suffering, why are you asking her what happened between her and Justin. Remember, you(we) are never entitled to the personal details of one’s life. If you are given any, at least freaking respect them.

I am personally sick of people saying Selena Gomez is emotionally immature for still suffering over a humongous break up with someone she loved and commited herself too. It does not matter that we see all of the bad Justin did and it does not matter that we see he is not right for her. Let her freaking see it. She was the one dating him, having wonderful times with him while they lasted and builded hopes and dreams with this guy.
Yeah, he’s bad for her, he was a jerk towards her, multiple times, what is that telling you? Is that hard to get over?
For some it is, for some it isn’t. People react to things differently.
Breaks up are hard and painful and messy. Harder, more painful and messier for some. Obviously, Selena Gomez is having a very rough time with hers. Let her flipping be.

This blogpost is absolutely messy but I honestly don’t care at the moment. I will care about it as soon as I hit Publish. I’m just letting my fingers write what pops up at the top of my head. I’ll edit it later. 

If she shares her life with the public, being it as it is, it’s bad because there’s a lot more to it than you want to see.
If she withdraws herself from the public and her fans, it’s bad because she’s allegedly dismissing her fans in the process.
Either way, she’s screwed.
If you want to support her, support her through the most difficult times. Telling her she needs to move on, get on with her life, tell her she’s being pathetic and whiny WON’T HELP HER.

Just because she knows he isn’t right for her anymore, doesn’t mean she’ll stop loving him. If anything, that’s what makes it harder. There’s still so many memories, so many good memories, so many hopes and dreams crushed. She knows it’s not good for her to go back, but as she said,  the heart wants what it wants. Let her grief over it for as long as she needs to. It’s not even a matter of how much someone hurt you, it’s how much you loved them through all of it. 
I do get worried for her myself, fearing she’ll stumble upon alcohol and other dangerous outcoms that may exacerbate her condition but as long as she’s getting the help she needs, let the girl take her own time.
If you want someone who apparently decided she’s never making a frown, unless it’s on stage to show how ”fierce” she is, go to Demi Lovato and enjoy yourself.

Have some understanding, for as she is just another freaking person going through a very bad break up. You’re not making it any easier and all of the social pressures won’t speed the healing process.

Analyzing My Life.

I completely realize how serious my title sounds like, but I have no other way to call it. The past few days, I just really wanted to step back and look at myself and my daily routines and future wishes, hopes and dreams. What things I do, how do I do those things, when do I do them and what should be changed. Obviously, I complied a list which isn’t the happiest thought.

I mentioned before that I am very excited for 2015 open it’s doors finally and I can start the year off well. Assuming everything until then goes as planned. That would be such a bummer wouldn’t it, if things didn’t go as planned. I mean, there’s only two and a half weeks left. If something so big can occur, stick a fork in me. Life, keep your shit together for that long. I’m not asking for much. I’ll make it work afterwards.

I am young. I haven’t even started living properly yet, but I am scared of my future. I’m at the point where I’m both scared and excited. I feel like 2015 will bring great things and great joy to my life and great people that will keep my outlooks positive. And I know,as soon as I say that it all goes down the crapper. I am still not at the point of thinking where I’m gonna be after highschool, much less in the long run. I am honestly occupied in getting the smaller things in place. And I mean the really small things.

I have bad habits, I’m lazy and pretty much messy and unorganized. It’s embarassing to admit but there I went. As aformentioned, I am young but I am not going to be getting any younger.  I am old enough to take care of myself in quite a few aspects and take responsiblity for a lot of things. That I do. I have my priorities straight and what comes first and what is right and what is wrong. When to do certain things and when not to do them. Taking responsiblity for my actions. I have all of that in the deepest depths of my mind, somewhere in one of the thousands locked drawers I unlock when I need it. Of course, with a lot of space for improvement and more knowledge.

People around me inspire me to tweek these things, more frequently and more successfuly. I am very observant and I see inspiration in the really really small, almost insignificant things. Like, the way someone holds their pen and writes their words. It’s crazy, but I notice it. And if I like it? Everytime I’ll be writing something, I’ll be thinking how to work that into my own handwriting and motion. It’s pretty ridicilous and sometimes time consuming but I enjoy it.

Kalel has been my, I don’t wanna say inspiration in the past few months, but my, erm, my push, my strive for constant work and my safety net, not to quit. I sound so serious. Like I’m dealing with these enormous problems in my life and I have no idea where to start. Haha, no I promise you it’s not like that. I just want to get all of my thoughts out. Everything that I have written down I feel like needs to be in here as well.

She’s a very, I wanna say unique type of person. At least to me, because I haven’t ”met” many people like her in my life or came across. She’s a big perfectionist and she’s always up for change and each change has to be perfect, or it doesn’t work. I have met perfectionists in my life but her packet, all together I feel like is unique. She has some very nice qualities I admire and a few life routines that I want to pick up on. I’m going with baby steps that’ll seem ridicilous for you guys but in truth, I’ve never been motivated to do anything in my life until about two years ago. It’s the childhood that I had, never left me curious about anything and I had no support behind me.

Don’t laugh at me:

  • Wearing slippers all of the time. In my house, of course. I’m sure that almost every kid, or every parent struggled with making their children wear socks or slippers around the house when it’s cold. My floor is always freezing. Heat comes from feet and up. If your feet are cold, you’ll most likely be cold all over.
    I found a loop hole that works for me. Since I truly hate slippers, they are so inconvenient for me, I bought me these:

    They are SO warm and SO comfortable and they’re always on my feet. Problem solved. It’s a habitation thing.
  • Being more organized. I mentioned in my New Years resolutions post, I need to do this. I really love the idea of writing my to do list for each day, writing down my ideas, getting the habits of making my bed every single morning, arranging my closet etc. Just getting my home, or the parts I use of it together and always organized and in place. I hate being messy, and you’d think that the little space I have would make it easier for me to clean but no. It makes my brain lazier, thinking it’ll always seem stocked up and unorganized. That’ll be changed, mark my words!
  • Eating healthier! I can’t stress how important  this is to me. It’s not even about figure wise. Sure, it has effect on it, my figure and weight can always be better but I feel like I am ruining my body on the inside. Or at least ruined it to a great extent.
    I said that I will stop drinking coke, done it and failed after 3 weeks. I stopped again and I have slips. I DON’T WANNA DO THAT. I don’t want to eat junk food, I don’t want to eat non-cooked food ALL OF THE FLIPPING time. I don’t want to. My father and my lifestyle are difficult for that case, because we do not have that custom. Ever since my mom moved out, we eat whenever, whatever. And it’s mostly either fruit or junk food. I get enough fruit in my body, that I am proud off. Fruits and vegetables, but even that amount can’t over come everything bad I do in the mean time.
    It’s so unhealthy and I hate it. I am using my fast metabolism to the bone, sucking the life out of it and it’ll give up on me. I feel it. That’s why I need routines! I need rules in my life.

    A list in front of me and a stick behind me. 

  • Stop leaving dishes and left over foods everywhere. This is so embarassing. Why am I even adding this. This will bring nothing but eye rolles on that little immature kid who blogs.
    But I do this a lot. I take one glass out, use it, leave it when I’m done. I want another drink, I get another glass, use it, leave it when I’m done. I get a plate, eat my food, leave it on the side of my desk. I eat chips, leave the bag on the side of my desk. And the list goes on…
    It’s such a childish thing and I’m getting better at it by the day.

I realized this is way too long so I’m going to split this! There will be a sequel to this list. There’s a few more things that I need to change and that I need to list. A few, more significant and important things. And just a heads up, to get effecient and not slack on my duties, I already made a list of everything and taped it on my bedroom wall, so I’m reminded every single day.
See, organization.

Now all I need to do is keep going. That’s the hard part.