Why Should You And Not I?

I am feeling very angry right now.

A friend has come to me asking for help and crying and the reason behind it made me furious. Not that it made my friend upset, but that something like that happened.
Think of this as a rant on my thoughts.

I’ve mentioned this before and it’s something I stand by. Get and will get angry at myself anytime in the future if I cross it myself.
I have nothing against positivity. I have nothing against positive thinking, surrounding yourself with positive people, turning over new leafs, looking at life with brighter eyes, making the best out of everything and moving on. I do not.
That’s great, that’s healthy, it makes things easier after awhile, it makes your heart and head lighter. It’s good. Go for it if you think you should, if you feel like you can, if you want to. I’ll spray petals of roses and all the flowers of the world on you on your journey to heaven.

But how can I explain this so people understand. It’s not always possible. It’s not always doable, it’s not always easy. Life does not get better for some and if it does, it does not get better at the same time for everyone and under the same circumstances and with the same regrets and consequences.

You may have moved on from a bad and heart breaking break up with a 3+ year boyfriend, grieved over him for a long time, blamed yourself, tortured your heart and soul and realized what an idiot he was. Slowly gain your confidence back and all of a sudden you don’t give a SHIT, you are worth everything, he is worth nothing. You are strong, you are beautiful and you find a new boyfriend.

But someone may have gone through abuse and torture in their family, from the side of their parents for years. Been called names, been physically and mentally abused. Left permamant scars with your self-respect, confidence, loyalty and anything you can imagine. People like that become anit-social for example, have no friends, imagine bullies. They grow up like that and realize as they are growing up that their parents weren’t right and find a way to get out, with terrible consequences. That person still loves their parents, their character damaged, confidence shot, they do not know who they are.

People react to things differently, that’s a fact.
Death of your grandmother can mean, “Oh well, she’s in a better place. She lived her life long” but to someone it’s like losing a mother. Maybe their grandmother was all they had. Maybe their grandmother raised them. Who knows. If you do not, you should keep your mouth shut.

I am so sick of people who go through depression, severe sadness if you don’t want to call it depression. There are people who think depression can’t be reached before and after a certain age which is bullocks. I am sick of people, even some of my closest friends, who have been through it, know what it’s like, what real struggle it is. It’s a dark place, filled negativity and no silver-lining.

You’ve been through it and once things started getting better which is marvelous, oh my goodness, so amazing, you forget everything you learned from it.
If you intend to tell anyone “Suicide? That’s the most pathetic, dumbest and the most selfish thing you can think off”- I would cut off someone’s mouth for this.

So far, the people I know who have said this never said that sentence and explained why they shouldn’t do it. No. People go on and say that with insults like stupid, idiot, ignorant.
Oh yeah, you’ve helped him a lot. You’ve named him names and just enhanced his negativity towards himself, making him feel even more upset and useless.

OR, they say the sentence and turn the tables around to them. “I’ve been through the same thing you know? And I wasn’t like YOU and look at me NOW!”. Yeah, make him/her wish to say to you “Yeah, look at you now. You’re an ass and you give zero sh*t for it because things are great for you FOR NOW. Well done.”. That’s what I would say ’cause I am sick of people like this.
I have no more patience for people like this. The ones who do utter the words in these *very obvious tones, can kindly move away from me and go live their brightened, happier, more matured lives. It seems to work for them, why not for me, in MY way. <– Sad truth. 

My mom once told me, they may be saying that in best off intentions. There’s no good intentions in there.
If you truly wished to help, you would sacrifice your golden time and patience to have a chatsy with that person and go into patient explaining why they are worthy and why they shouldn’t do it.
Personal preference, without using the line “You only live once”. Yuck.

Living is everything. Living is happiness, sadness, disappointment, surprises, everything.

I am becoming a bitter hag I must say, I’m sure whoever was so lovely to go through this blasted post till this sentence here can agree.
But I will not let, I refuse to let getting older, growing up and ”maturing” and moving on with your life, include anything I mentioned.

I agree, some people are worth your time, some are truly not but you don’t have to become one of those who are not in the process.

4 thoughts on “Why Should You And Not I?

  1. I completely agree with this. I never understood how anyone could possibly think it’s a good idea to someone contemplating suicide; you need to be as supportive and kind and caring as possible, not call them selfish and thoughtless. People who do so are really, really shitty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed they are. You know someone doesn’t mean well when all they want to do is spout shit and make themselves look smart. There are other ways to bringing someone “back to their senses”. Hurting them even more won’t.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I relate to this very much. And, you know what I think it’s okay to be sad…I don’t know why but it’s okay to be bitter. I don’t go to people and say rubbish to make them feel bad, right? As long as I can keep it within myself – I feel fine with being depressed. Actually I am more comfortable with it than anything and anyone else.
    Thanks so much for writing this. I was bringing myself to write a similar post but I could not seem to – reading yours has inspired me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know what you mean with feeling fine about being depressed. It get’s comfortable after awhile if you can control it. Especially if you’re a longer type person yourself, like me.
      I’m glad. Go ahead and write away.

      Liked by 1 person

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