I’m Along For The Ride

I did not expect that I would be writing this post today. I had a very very fun, exciting post I was going to write because I had no school today, I had a tiny little session of Block practice. I was going to be, life is good, the sun is shinning, all we need are birds humming. But I don’t think that’s going to happen.
I hope you guys are not bored by my ”venting” posts that are kind of depressing most of the times. People don’t want to be reminded of how wrong and ignorant our society can be and IS, I realize that. You want to be happy and think about happy things that make you smile and laugh throughout the day and that’s perfectly okay.

But, I wanna talk about something that’s extremely important to me and it revolves around life itself. And It’s probably not my place to even mention such things, especially with an older crowd I feel that I have for some reason. But it’s healthy to talk through your thoughts, especially at my age because we tend to misinterpert a lot of things and not understand. By we, I mean teenagers and young adults. It’s probably going to be a long post so I totally understand if you wish not to read this.

I watch and follow WULAS. What is that? That’s a channel on YouTube of two companions, Kalel and Anthony, I may have mentioned them before. If you know Smosh, you know Anthony. At first, I have liked their channel from the beginning because Kalel inspired me. I don’t have the words to describe this woman because she is very complex, yet very very simple. How I like to think of myself. I’ve seen common grounds between her and I and I love it.
She made a seperate channel, KalelKitten on which she uploaded her very first video. That channel is going to be a reflection of her and her thoughts and opinions.
I am going to link it, if you care to watch.
It’s not an hour long, boring and suffocating lecture about life and a tiny portion of it’s lesson’s. Just her with her thoughts, sharing it with us. What she learned.

I wanna talk about some things she said.
Most people who know me in real life, be it my mom, friends, teachers, my parent’s colleagues at work, say I am a very bright and intelligent kid and that I understand things a kid my age shouldn’t bother with. Because it’s too far away from me. I know that I think too much about things that can only be learned through time and understood with age, but I don’t like to leave it at that.
Of course, I sometimes feel like I’ve got the world and the people around me figured out. Like I know everything about everyone. I know that’s far from being true obviously.
But I do like to think that I understand quite a bit. It’s hard for me to talk about it because they are sensitive subjects and most of the time, people write me off as someone who knows nothing because I can’t express it easily in real life. I just can’t get my 10 minutes to compile all of my thoughts and share what I know and how I feel. That’s why I write.

There’s a few things I want to mark out from her video and those are:

  • Appreciating all of the things that you have and being grateful for it.
    Something that I have heard my entire life, whether it be people or even commercials on TV. I don’t know how to do this. Actually scratch that, I know how to do it but I can’t do it all the time.  I really can’t. It’s not a matter of not wanting too. I guess this is one of those things where I need age and a lot of experience behind my tush in order to understand and acknowledge.  I can’t do this if the majority of my surroundings are not already fine. They don’t have to be perfect or amazing or even great, but I need them to be fine.
    I am a very sensitive person by heart yet very strong. My past is a factor of that sensitive and soft side. I do not deal well with failure yet and that is something I also need to learn. In time.
    I know it’s the little things. I understand that.
    I should be grateful I was able to wake up this morning, for being healthy, for having a home and having enough money in my family for the neccesities we all need, that I’m getting an education etc. I understand this and I’m not saying it’s nothing. It’s a big something. But when even waking up feels like a pain and there’s no use for me getting out of my bed, it’s not so easy to look on the bright side of things.
  • Have self control and self-restrainct not to insult and talk sh*t about someone (On the internet as well). 
    This is something I STRONGLY stand by. Cyber bullying in general. I have been through it and it has made my life a living hell for a period of time.
    We all pass judgement, a lot. It’s how human’s work, it’s in our nature to look at someone on the street and judge them in our minds. What they are wearing, if we like the colour, the design, their legins, shoes, hair, face. Whatever it may be.
    But you don’t walk towards that person/stranger on the street and feel compelled to share your opinion about everything you were judging? No, you keep that thought to yourself and that is exactly what you should and what you’re supposed to do. Your thoughts, may be hurtful towards someone. Approaching that stranger would mean you’re approaching them with the intent of hurting them. No one should ever do that and no one deserves that.
    We have the ability to shut up and only observe for a reason. Keep your judgement to yourself if you can and if it’s not crutial for you to state your opinion. Especially if you know it would be hurtful.
    You absolutely have a right to have an opinion, but you also realize that the other side also does. They also have a right to dress the way they want, listen to what they want and have opinion which they think is right.
    Again I mention this sentence: No matter what religion, race or colour, you do not have any higher or miner rights than from someone who is the opposite of you.
  • Allow someone to move on with their life, allow them to grow from their mistakes. Don’t hold it against them if they show true remorse. It’s not fair. 
    In this part of  her video, she made me cry. Not because of what she said, but what the message is representing. It’ll haunt me for a very long time. It’s a lesson I have learned and it cuts my heart in half to know that I’ll hopefully-not-but-most-likely make this mistake again with someone. It hurts me because as of now, it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and it made me ‘lose’  A LOT.
    It’s not fair. There is nothing worse than being dragged down. Especially if that someone is trying their FU*KING BEST to make up for it. You need to appreciate that. Everybody makes mistakes. Some are bigger, some are smaller.
    If you truly feel like it’s a mistake you can’t- or don’t want to get over and forgive, don’t even try. You’re going to torture only yourself and that other person.

EVERYTHING she has mentioned is as well extremely important. Like the ability to laugh and make other people laugh factor. Laughter is possibly the most effective way of just forgetting about a problem for a brief second. There is nothing more precious than when you’re crying and someone makes you laugh. Especially if you ‘don’t want to’. I’m just mentioning the few I felt kind of strongly about.
From the last lesson I mentioned, I realize there’s a hidden lesson inside there. Forgiving yourself. As well as you should forgive someone, you also need to know how to forgive yourself for some mistake you did.
Actually I’m lying, I didn’t realize it just now, I’ve always known it. I understand why it’s important.
I am a human being too that also makes mistakes. I understand that but It can’t happen on it’s own. I don’t work like that. I have to make up for it, otherwise it’ll be hanging over me until forever.
I know that’s not healthy and It’s actually sick that I realize it’s mentally crippling me, to the point of where I am bitter and angry with myself. Loathing myself from time to time.

I am nowhere near to finding and truly understanding myself and the world around me. I have my entire- literally entire life for that but I like to think that among the teenagers I see in my country, I’m not doing too bad.
I take a lot of pride in the fact that I don’t drink, smoke, party, date around, flirt. Heck, I’m scared to go out at night without a companion. Hormones did not overwhelm me and by the looks of it, they won’t. I am not an easily influenced person and even that aside- I don’t like to keep a group of people that could influence me into anything I wouldn’t find comfortable doing.
So far, I think I’m doing good.

My life is just starting. My roller coaster did not pass by much, but I’m along for the ride.
Well, most of the times.

8 thoughts on “I’m Along For The Ride

  1. This is a great honest post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and going a little deeper. We’re always growing and learning.. Nobody truly has this life all figured out 🙂 thanks for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

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