Christmas Traditions

This may surprise some of you, but yes tomorrow is Christmas day for me. As our Christmas goes, so do our traditions. I’m a bit rusty at explaining them, because some of these traditions are (I think) mainly ours, and I never thought I’d translate them to another language. Even English.

The very first thing that is a must, we always fast the day before Christmas, for us called “Badnje veče” or Christmas eve. So nothing that is of any animal source. Sadly, fish isn’t included, because it’s a water animal, which is discrimination. It’s an animal non the less, but most of the time fish is cooked the day before Christmas or baked beans.

Now bear this with me, this will be very hard to explain, but I’ll show you a few pictures.
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What you see in the picture is dried leaves of various oak trees, with twigs and branches made into some sort of bouquet, which is a tradition to bring this into your house the day before Christmas. It is called a Badnjak, which is why Christmas eve for us is translated Badnje vece, vece means eve.

There is no real translation as to what this truly means, or at least I can’t find the right words, but basically, our story says that on the day that Jesus Christ was born, “badnjak”, plural, were lit in a bonfire to warm the new born baby and his mother. After your lunch, many people, as well as myself and my family, go to church where the bonfire happens. People bring another set of their Badnjak and throw it in the fire and drink boiled wine, sometimes sweetened with honey.

That’s where I came from 20 minutes ago, and I’ll share a picture with you guys.
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There is no real routine on the actual day of Christmas. You wake up, have a toast, and feel merry. Usually, my country bakes some sort of bread;

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Don’t be mistaken, it’s not a cake, it’s just very decorated bread, called “Česnica”. The tradition is to put one coin in it, while you make it, bake it and right before you start your Christmas lunch, all of your family members stand in a circle around the table, spin it in their hands together in the air, and break it apart.
Everyone takes their own piece and whoever get’s the piece with a coin in it, will have the most luck and fortune will come to them throughout the year. And there’s no cheating. Some families who feel that the oldest male in the household should always get it cheat and plan where the coin will be, but my family doesn’t do that.

When I was younger, I almost always got it.

I sure hope that some of these traditions you guys have heard of, or maybe even do them your household. I honestly celebrate Christmas this way because it’s a cozy, nice way to bring my family together and it makes my mom really happy.

Today I tried blackberry wine for the first time and I must say I was amazed. I don’t like alcohol, at all, but if I had to pick one alcoholic drink that I would drink it’s wine. Red wine. I’m having my third glass right now, and that’s saying a lot for me.

I hope you guys are having a nice evening. I am sipping my wine slowly, talking to friends and nibbling on my almonds.

I’ll update you guys tomorrow on my cozy Christmas!

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Wishing You A Wonderful 2016

Wow, your guys’s hangover passed yet? How many of you had a crazy, unforgettable or an already forgotten night the 31st of December 2015?

I didn’t. That plot twist. I spent it with a few people close to my heart and it was fun, warm, but honestly, I am so over the celebration and pressure over New Years. It might be the weirdest, most bizarre thing to people, but New Years Eve, when you just don’t care about the celebration is the most stressful night.

Last year, I spent New Years alone at home, with 4l of Coke and music. Normally that would be completely fine, but listen. New Years Eve and January 1st, there’s one night in between. A night, in which for me I could have problems, facing a heart break, a toothache, and experience as any other night. Like April 5th going on April 6th.
I cried December 31st last year, and spent New Years crying.

Everyone thought, when I told them it’s because I was alone and felt lonely. Everyone felt sorry for me. Everyone said “Aw, poor you, you only wanted to celebrate it nicely”. Big NO.

Last year, I was completely fine until everyone called me and asked “Where are you”, “Home, alone, listening to music”, “Oh my…why?”
I cried last year out of pressure and stress. It’s not even a holiday, it’s a tradition. Because I knew everyone else that was having a good time (which is absolutely fantastic), at least my close ones were thinking of me and feeling sorry for me because I am supposedly supposed to be having the time of my life. A magical and wonderful night. Everyone expected something of me and I was really in a upsetting, heart breaking time. I’m not gonna slap on a smile, just because a Calendar says so. Kiss my booty. Ugh.

Even this year it was frustrating. It was my original plan to stay home, and the fact that I did go out just because I promised my friends I wouldn’t do that this year, made me extremely on edge and not happy the next day. I felt liked I failed myself just to prove nothing.

Aaanyway, got off track. I’m sorry, it just irritates me. I’m still on edge, who the fuck cares about New Years?
And no, I’m not a bitter hag because I probably Never experienced it the way I should, so I wouldn’t even know the joy so I rag on it. No, I’ve had plenty of wonderful New Years, crazy and extremely fun parties.
If you’re in the mood, go. But don’t pin traditions on me when I don’t feel like it.

I promise the initial plan when I started writing this post was to wish you a very happy year, I hope it’s way better than 2015. I wish you all happiness, lot’s of love and health and achieve your goals.

I want to hear your guy’s New Years experience, where’d you go, who’d you go with, what did you do? Details are fine!

Christmas coming up for me, now I’m feeling the holidays. I love you guys, have a great Saturday!

Merry Christmas Eve

I wish you all a healthy and loving Christmas to come and the most jolly holidays. I send my love to you all, have the best Christmas you can possibly imagine, spend time with your loved ones and cherish each moment with them. I hope all of your deepest wishes come true and all in all, have a wonderful time at this special time of year 🙂

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Let’s Jump To 2017, Please

I’m an over thinker and I realize this, I accept it, and so do people around me. The day that you, my fellow reader will be celebrating Christmas is in four days and New years is in 10 days. I’m not feeling the joy for either of them.

I don’t know what’s happening with me this year, I don’t know why so much cynicism and almost hate towards the holidays this year. I did not like 2015, I can most honestly say it has been the most sarcastic and uneventful  year of my life and frankly, with the most shocks. In the shortest amount of time I got more shocking and heartbreaking news than in the past 3 years and it’s been constant stress over and over. I think the biggest shock of all was about two months ago, when I heard that my aunt found out she has breast cancer. The first in the family.
That was definitely a big frown upon my family. Luckily everything that was needed to know, was known in time and from that side, everything is okay, which is amazing. She’s going to be okay and she has to be okay. All of the odds are on her side.

But none the less, shocks like this and in a few other forms are enough to break ones spirit. I am spending New Years eve alone, depending on my dad’s work schedule. I want to say that doesn’t bother me because it’s almost my own fault.

I rejected my friend who invited me to celebrate with her, I rejected a few other people that have asked me because I don’t feel like celebrating. I don’t feel like being with people at all. I’m not saying I regret it all that much. If I wanted to have friends around I had more than enough options, but I don’t know. My sadness over being alone doesn’t overflow the uncomfortable, uneasy and dislike feeling of actually accepting and being with people.

I already see the upcoming year and it makes me cry, if that makes any sense to say. I am crying. I just want time to stop and let me be for awhile. I feel way too much pressure. If I honestly could move right now, be with the one man I love who’s far away and  even stay at home all the time I would.

Next year brings even more pressure I truly, honestly don’t want to face, because I’m scared. I don’t want to finish this school year in July, because in September I’ll be a Senior. I’ll be turning 18 in April, which is the legal age of being an adult, I don’t want that. I don’t understand the fascination of growing up, unless you’re in perfect or amazing conditions. There’s more things I can’t mention that scare me by the thought and haunt me at night, so much I end up crying and regretting waking up. That day I wake up, I’m just another day closer to facing it all.

I know that’s a part of growing up and I know it’s supposed to be scary. Everyone goes through it, but damn, that doesn’t make it easier. Sometimes I feel like It’s a bigger problem in my head than what I am projecting to anyone else. Like it’s worse for me in my head than everybody thinks.

I didn’t mean for this post to end so sadly. I was going to end it with a positive message to leave all your negative energy and have a good time at the holidays, because these only happen once a year. But my thoughts drifted I guess.

I hope there’s someone who can tell me what I could do to put my mind at ease, because my hair’s fallin’ out from this stress.

How are you guys spending Christmas and New Years eve? I truly hope with a lot of joy and happiness. Happy Monday to you all!

We are lionhearts

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Having the childhood I have had and having dealt with all the things I have ever since I was 5 years old, there’s a few people in my life that are irreplaceable for the spots in my heart as someone who’s stood by me even when I thought of giving up on myself.

My mother and my very best friend Kristina. They both mean the absolute world to me and I don’t say that just because my mom is my mom and I’m ”supposed” to love her and know she is always beside me. Nothing is guaranteed and her support shouldn’t be taken for granted. As something that’s obviously supposed to be there. She didn’t have to be the mother and best friend she is today. She didn’t have to go into such depths with me, to understand me completely and truly see the world from my point of view just so she can give me one advice. She didn’t have to do anything, she did all of it because yeah she loved me, on that front a  mother has no choice, but a mother who is your biggest support and best friend and safest mirror is a gift everyone lucky enough to have should cherish.

My best friend suffered through a lot with me. I don’t mean emotionally, at least I hope she didn’t. I hope I never hurt her enough to make her suffer for anything. I mean she did a lot of things for me no other friend would. She listened to me for hours and hours and hours on end just so I get all of the puzzles from my head and try to sort them out, many times over the same time like no other friend would. She has always had something to say, always been careful with what she says to me to not accidentally hurt me or offend me or make me feel unwanted or abandoned. She always had an answer. I am 100% aware that there must’ve been times when she was desperate and didn’t know what else to say to me because I had drained all of the words out of her and brainwashed her thoughts, but she always kept going.
And so did my mom.

Their approval, opinion and advice means everything to me. I feel weird doing something my best friend or mom don’t approve off. But even then, they’re still so wonderful to tell me that I shouldn’t worry, because even if I am making the wrong choice they’ll stand by me through it and support me when it fails if it does. That gives me strength and confidence.

Many times I often just tell them what I will do or am planning to do, but in any case they stand by me. I always know their opinion, good or bad, especially my mom’s, but sometimes it stirs me the right way, and I am thankful each time.

Many don’t have a shoulder or ear to turn too and maybe receive help when they’re unsure if they’re doing the right thing or not. I am mature enough to realize how happy I actually am, because of them.

I have not been the best daughter, or the best friend I wish I could’ve been to Kristina, but she’s still mine. Funny how love works isn’t it?

At the same time they are my strength, my shield, my armor, my handkerchiefs, my insides, I am theirs as well.
Through every storm, who’s ever it is, we are lion hearts and we walk together through the storm, and I think my mom and Kristina are the only two hands I feel safe holding. I like to believe I am theirs as well.
My mom has told me more than once that sometimes I am the only one she can turn too, as well as my best friend, and I value that. It’s a wonderful feeling knowing that someone feels the same way about me as I do for them, because I know just how much I love them both.

If they tell me it’s okay, if they tell me I’m doing the right thing, I have peace and serenity in my heart, because I know that even if we are all wrong and it’s not the right choice, nothing changes.

I wish this upon every single one of you. I hope you all have that special someone in your life who’s always been there for you.

But not just that. Not just someone who’s always been there for you, I wish you all have that person who you love so much and who you know will always love you, and who will always BE there for you. To be confident that you’re not losing this person anytime soon.

What inspired this post is this particular song:
Lionhearts by Demi Lovato

I listen to this song and imagine a rough and stormy road in front of me and me facing my troubles that come along the way, and the only two people I see walking with me or supporting me from the side is them two.
And as long as I know they’re behind me, I’m marching to the beat of the storm and we walk together into the light.

I try to tell my mom and Kristina as much as I can how much I would be completely lost without them, but I think deep down in their hearts they know. But they deserve to hear it.

If you have anyone in your life you value or love, show them love and never take them for granted. Realize what you have and learn to value whatever good or positive they bring into your life. Every little thing counts and every little thing matters.

If someone’s not there for you for the silliest and littlest things, bet your dollar they won’t show up for the big hardships.

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Decorating My Christmas Tree

To me, it’s actually a little bit early in the game. I know it’s December 12th and for those who celebrate Christmas on the 25th, which is in 13 days it’s long overdue probably, but that’s not the case with me.

I celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January, different calendars you know. We should celebrate it on the 25th, because Jesus was born on 25th of December, not the 7th of January but, it’s been like this for a long time. It’s been suggested to make the change, but the reaction isn’t satisfying. I guess that’s fine. Holidays seem to last longer this way. Many around the world start the holiday cheers and decorations as soon as December comes and my country follows, so everything feels Christmassy very very early. The only problem is that the Christmas channels and movies are aired throughout December, and when the time comes for my family to celebrate Christmas, the channels slowly stop, because for the rest the holidays have pretty much ended. This sucks bad, because sometimes you want to sit down and drink hot chocolate and spontaneously stumble upon a Christmas movie, which is rare in January, as suppose to getting your USB cube and watch a movie.

Anyhow, for today it was planned to decorate the house with lights, the Christmas tree and we wanted to try decorating the outside of our house, or the front door with a Christmas arch around it. I don’t think we’ll succeed in that, and not too fascinated with the idea only and I mean only because lights on the arch aren’t included. We don’t have automatic lights, and we don’t have anywhere to plug in the lights and the point of the decorations outside is to make a certain part of the house pop and stand out. That’s beautiful.

This is the time of year where I should be getting really excited and cheerful, especially about decorating the Christmas tree, but for someone reason, this year I’m not feeling it at all.

My mom is usually the most excited person in the room for making the home look very Christmas appropriate, but even she isn’t all that fascinated this year. I’m not sure why, but she definitely won’t let it result in her not decorating at all. To her, it’s not New Years without a tree, but honestly. She still has Some Christmas spirit left, but it’s doom and gloom at the moment.
If you were to ask me anything, at this point I’d just buy a pre-decorated Christmas tree in two different colors, maybe red and silver, or dark blue and silver, place on the 1st of January, just so I’ll have it when time to celebrate Christmas comes.  So the house is not quite bare on such a cozy holiday.

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Well none the less, I pushed that negativity aside and helped mom decorate the tree and it looks really cute and beautiful.

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How do you guys like it? 🙂 All it needs are lot’s and lot’s of presents underneath. I mean, why waste so much room, it’s there for a reason am I right? Preferably labeled “For Marija”. I’m such a great kid.

It’s already half past five, I don’t think anything else will be done to the house tonight. And whatever isn’t done today, won’t be done at all.
I actually feel like laying in bed and falling asleep but I won’t do that. Eating is way more precious.

Have you guys decorated your house yet? Show me pictures please of your Christmas tree if you’ve decorated or when you do decorate it. My mom and I, or well at least I am browsing new ways we can decorate ours. And it’s always nice seeing beautiful Christmas trees. They all are actually.

I hope you guys had a wonderful day. I will head off. I’m going to do some “arts and crafts”, and by that I mean cut pictures out of old magazines and make all types of collages with them. Cheers!